Shelter
by Make-It-New
Summary: Before long the game in her head became a metaphor for her life, avoid all the cracks and bumps for fear that one day you just might disappear. No one would know she was missing and go looking for her. She'd simply just be gone and the world would carry on like nothing had changed. Quinntana.
1. Lima Social Services

The building in front of her loomed ominously as she wrapped the frayed sweater around her shivering body. She knew it was just a simple office building and the dread in the pit of her stomach was unreasonable, but she couldn't shake the feeling. She knew walking into those doors would put an end to the only world she had ever known, and she just didn't know how to accept that.

Her tattered sweater let the nipping air in, causing goose bumps to rise all over her body. She was lucky to even have the old well-worn sweater. She just happened to be walking by the trash barrel when the previous owner was placing it in. As the temperatures dropped into freezing levels, she knew the poor excuse for protection would not be any help for much longer, but it was all she had.

It was a fading grey color, with a few buttons on the front. She had assumed there were more at one point, but by the time she got the horrible excuse for a sweater, it only had three left. She hugged the material around herself again, never bothering with the buttons knowing they would probably just fall off.

"Stupid cold," she muttered under her breath her voice hoarse and raspy from the lack of use. She wasn't positive what month it was anymore, she had long since stopping paying attention to the date. To her, each passing day meant one more day she had to struggle to survive. As disheartening as it sounded, Santana sometimes wished that her days would just stop passing. She assumed from the snow on the ground it was well into winter, probably around December, but for all she knew it could be well after that. She didn't remember seeing people celebrating the holidays yet, so maybe her guess was closer than she thought.

She could barely read the doorplate of the building from where she was standing, 'Lima Social Services'. It seemed too official for her. She hated even the remote idea of social services. They had screwed her life over from day one, but here she was coming back to them once again with the hope of change.

Her slow methodical movements attempted to keep her brain occupied as she got closer and closer to the front door. She counted the cracks in the cement walkway she passed over carefully avoiding each crack, a game she played in her head to distract her thoughts from coming in. Today, though, the distraction was useless, her thoughts bombarded her bringing with them numerous questions and doubts.

Inside her head she knew not to get too hopeful. Just yesterday she was sleeping on a cot at the women's shelter next to an older woman whose face was full of bruises and wandering the streets during the day trying to find some free food and any available warmth. She lived off other people's leftovers and could only hope for generosity and pity to get her through each night. Some days there was no food to be found and the food banks were too crowded to help her out. Some days she lived off water from public drinking fountains and nothing else.

The shelters were starting to turn her away at night. She had become too much of a familiar face and the shelters did not want regulars to develop routines of dependence on them. She wasn't sure what would happen to her if she had to find shelter on the streets at night. She didn't think she'd be able to survive.

Her last hope for any kind of a future was standing less than fifty feet in front of her. She knew she had to go in there, and she prayed something good would come of it.

The idea was suffocating her. Never before had she been so close to change and she just wasn't sure how to deal with it. She felt as though she was walking this path under water and her oxygen tank was just barely out of reach.

The building was nice; various desks were skewed about the area with workers manning their phones and computers. There were other kids that looked to be about her age sitting in front of the desks talking to the workers behind them. She noticed many large filing cabinets with workers searching through them on one side of the wall and the other wall was lined with separate offices with windows all covered by shades.

She was amazed that she had yet to receive any glares or disgusted looks from the workers inside. Normally once people realized she was in their presence they let her know that she was less than welcome. Today though, people didn't gawk at her appearance, nobody turned their face away quickly hoping she would take the hint. Maybe today was going to be different.

She observed all the names on the doors trying to remember the name she had heard yesterday. After a quick first inspection her heart sank, she didn't see the name anywhere. She looked again hoping she had not been made a fool of.

"Fabray," she whispered the name coming to her as her eyes landed on the last office before the door that she must have previously overlooked.

Nerves fluttered her stomach as she stepped up to the door and raised her hand to knock. It took her a moment to collect herself before she was able to knock her knuckles gently against the door.

"Come in," she heard a man answer from inside and she slowly turned the doorknob to enter the office.

She was greeted by a middle aged man with a warm smile. His hair and face showed signs of aging but his overall demeanor hid anything else of the sort. The man held out his hand for her to shake but she hesitated staring at the man's hand. She was not use to adults, or anyone for that matter, showing her any signs of respect, even a simple gesture like a handshake.

He withdrew his hand observing her obvious hesitance, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable then she might already be.

"Please have a seat," he directed her to a chair in front of his desk. "Would you like any coffee? I'd offer you our pastries, but honestly they're not any good."

A simple head shake from the girl in front of him was her only response letting him know she was not interested.

"Ok, well, why don't we get some basic introductions out of the way, sound good?" he asked hoping for a more vocal response but once again he was met with a simple nod of her head. Use to these sort of actions, he continued on not missing a beat.

"My name is Russell Fabray, but please just call me Russell. Mr. Fabray is my father and I'd be happy to never be likened to him. Stuffy old man he was. Anyway, I've lived in Lima for quite a few years now. I moved here from LA after my wife got promoted and was transferred to a local hospital. I have three kids who now all attend McKinley High. My oldest daughter, Charlotte, is a freshman in college right over at Ohio State. My son, Noah, was adopted into our family when he was eight years old. His dad had left his family when he was a baby and his mom passed away when he was seven. He came into my office one day looking for a new family and that's exactly what he found. The baby of the family, Quinn, is a junior at McKinley and a very bright girl. She's on the nationally ranked cheerleading squad and part of the glee club," he explained knowing the more he shared about himself the more apt she would be to share information about herself. He handed her a family photograph he kept on his desk and continued with his introduction but her interest remained with the picture.

The Fabrays looked like the perfect family. All of them were very beautiful in their own way. The teenage boy in the picture was the only one without the obvious familial trait of blonde hair, but even still he seemed to fit with this small group perfectly. The photograph induced a very foreign feeling in her, jealousy. She was never one to feel jealous, she accepted that life had dealt her a really horrible hand and she moved on, no need to make herself feel worse by seeing how good some had it.

She was vaguely aware of Russell still talking to her about his previous jobs and his love for cooking but she could not drag her eyes away from the picture.

She was also beginning to think coming here was a big mistake. Clearly from all she's heard so far, Russell has had a very good life, and she just wasn't sure how he was going to be able to help her at all. She doubted he has ever been through anything close to what she has been through in her short life.

As she raised her eyes from the picture, she realized he had stopped talking and was looking at her with another warm smile and seemingly expecting something from her. Not one for many words, she just looked briefly again at the picture before handing it back to him.

"Why don't you just start with telling me your name, or maybe even why you came here today? Remember I'm here to help and anything you want to share will be helpful," he reassured.

"I-," she hesitated having not heard her voice out loud in quite a while. It was low and raspy, clearly showing how long it had been since she had spoken, "I don't know why I came here today exactly."

"Okay well, how about how you found out about me and my office?" he offered trying to coax some background information from her. He knew not to push a person like her too hard, he knew she'd revert back in on herself and any hope he had of getting through to her would be lost. This was definitely not the first troubled teenager he'd had in his office before, but the genuine sympathy and concern he felt for this young girl was something he hadn't felt in close to ten years.

"One of the ladies at the shelter mentioned that you had helped her get back on her feet and I guess I just thought that-," she trailed off, not exactly sure what she had expected to happen. She felt stupid immediately, did she really expect to walk in here and have him hand her a new life? She was suddenly ready to run as far away from here as possible.

"I will do whatever I can to help you out," he told her still with the warm smile on his face sensing her discomfort. He wanted to get her talking again and quell the fear he could see on her face. "First of all, why don't we talk about why you're at the women's shelter?"

"I don't have anywhere else to sleep and it's been too cold to sleep outside," she answered simply, ashamed that it was the truth. After this confession she wrapped her arms tight around herself, ashamed of the tattered sweater she was wearing and hoping the action would hide it.

"Where is your family?" he asked knowing this girl most likely didn't have one. He had dealt with far too many young kids who were living on the streets after really horrible childhoods.

"I don't know. I was in foster care since I was a baby and after bouncing around between families for 15 years, I just gave up on the system. I've lived on the streets for the last two years," she explained sharing more then she had expected she would.

"Legally, you can still be placed in a family for another year," he told her knowing that was not what she wanted. He had seen the system do some pretty horrible things to kids, he wasn't surprised she had given up on it.

"I'm tired of these families. All they ever want is the check from the government. They never care about me or actually taking care of my needs." After being placed in over twenty homes in the span of her fifteen years in foster care, the last thing she wanted was another temporary home with people who would never care.

Russell looked at the young girl in front of him. She was his daughter's age, which made his heart ache. He just couldn't imagine his little girl sitting in front of him today having gone through this. He really wanted to be able to something to help this girl out, but legally all he would be able to do is place her in a foster family.

It was apparent to him that she needed new clothes and probably hadn't ever had any sense of normalcy in her life. There was only one other time his heart ached so much for one of his clients and that young man now lives with him as a member of his family.

"When was the last time you had a good meal?" he asked knowing it had been awhile.

"I only had one family that ever cooked for me, but I was really young and they decided to have their own children, so it has been quite a while." She was heartbroken when a social worker came and took her away from that family. They were the only ones that ever showed affection to her or proved they cared about her. She never really understood why she had to leave the house, the social worker told her the family wanted to start having their own kids, but the answer never sat well with her.

"Well then get prepared for a great meal because tonight you'll be enjoying the fine foods of chef Fabray," he told her with a bright smile. Normally, he wouldn't bring a client back to his house, but this girl needed some structure and needed a good home cooked meal. He wanted her to see his family and get the opportunity to sleep on a real bed in a house for a change.

He would make sure she got as much of the basic necessities as she would need and try to work with her to get into school.

"I appreciate the offer Mr. Fabray," she started but was cut off.

"I won't take no for an answer, and please call me Russell." His statement was final and even though she would never say it, it felt really good to not to have to worry about where she was going to find food for one night.

"Just one more thing before we go," she nodded for him to continue, "all this time and you never told me your name."

She looked at him quizzically, wondering why she had shared so much about her but left out something as simple as her name.

"It's Santana."


	2. Cracks in the Surface

When Santana was younger she liked to play this particular game when she was walking where she would challenge herself to avoid all the cracks in the sidewalk for fear that she might just fall in and disappear. Getting tossed from one family to another left her without very many friends so she needed something to keep her mind occupied. She had been in houses with other kids her age before but she never attempted to befriend any of them. None of them ever looked at her like a sibling and she wasn't going to make that effort to get hurt in the end when she was abandoned once again.

Before long the game in her head became a metaphor for her life, avoid all the cracks and bumps for fear that one day you just might disappear. She knew if she ever were to disappear into one of those cracks, no one would miss her. No one would know she was missing and go looking for her. She'd simply just be gone and the world would carry on like nothing had changed.

As she sat in the well-used minivan with Russell she felt like she was teetering on the edge of one of the biggest cracks of her life. If this went well, she might overcome all of it all and start a brand new chapter of her life, if not she would fall in and her life, for all intents and purposes, would be over.

She was trying to watch the route they were taking if she needed to find her way back to the downtown area for the shelters. She had lost the route a few turns ago and cursed herself silently knowing she'd have a lot of walking to do.

Russell was currently teaching her about the band that was on the radio, but she was having a hard time paying much attention to what he was saying. Music never really held her interest, the only time she got to listen to it was when she was warming up in a store that had music playing and she was never usually around long enough to listen to much of it.

She remembered one of the families she had been staying with, the only good one she'd ever been placed with, loved playing music. The melody and words had since faded from her memory, but she could recall the feeling she got watching her foster parents dance around their kitchen with bright smiles on their faces. It was one of the few times she felt that warm sensation deep within her that she would much later equate with true happiness.

"What kind of music do you like?" he asked as they pulled up to a red light shaking her from her thoughts of a time long since passed.

Santana looked up from her lap where she had been previously picking at a loose string on her sleeve, distracting herself from what felt like her impending doom. She knew it was unfounded, Russell appeared to be a very nice man and from what he described his family seemed nice as well, but Santana, once again, could not shake the feeling of dread deep in her stomach.

"I don't really get to listen to a lot of music," she told him while observing the neighborhood surrounding her finally giving up on following the route. Russell gave her another warm smile, almost trying to apologize for the horrible hand she had been dealt.

The houses outside passing by her window were beautiful. The suburbs of Lima were not an area that she had the chance to spend much time in. She imagined Russell lived in a house similar to these, with a picket fence outside and completely spotless inside.

She pictured three perfectly dressed kids and felt even more ostracized as she gazed upon her outfit, an old pair of black sweatpants that had various holes scattered in them and plenty of stains that she couldn't explain if she needed to, a ratty red t-shirt that she had been given at one of the shelters she went to, black sneakers that looked to be held together by a few measly stitches and were at least two sizes too small, and her sweater which was also littered with holes and barely hanging on by a thread.

She wasn't sure how Russell was going to help her, she doubted he had ever gone without food, clothes, and shelter for anywhere near as long as she has. Most people that tried to help her failed because they couldn't identify with what she was going through and eventually gave up because she was too guarded to let anyone really in.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but you and I have a lot more in common than you think," he told her not elaborating any further. Santana accepted the statement, not sure what he meant or how true it could be, but placed it in her memory hoping he would explain further later.

After another few quiet minutes of driving, Russell pulled the car into a driveway of a two story house on a quiet side street. A meticulously decorated garden lined the short path from the driveway to the door and an old fashioned wishing well sat on the lawn with more flowers surrounding it. The house was something she imagined she would see in movies. It was a pale blue color with a large garage attached to the side. The shutters were pure white and void of any dirt like they had just been painted today.

After spending so much of her time in the streets in the inner city she forgot that places like these suburbs existed. It was blatantly obvious just from looking at the house that Russell and his family had money. She silently wondered why he drove such a run down and well used car when he could clearly afford something more expensive. Her suspicions were confirmed when she spied four much more expensive looking cars in the driveway.

Noticing her hesitance to step out of the car, Russell made the first move, unbuckling his seat belt and opening his door. After his actions clicked in her brain, Santana moved towards her seat belt, removing it from the holder and opening the passenger door.

The suffocating feeling returned as Russell led the way to the front door. She felt like a gladiator about to walk into the coliseum to be made a spectacle of. The door opened and she waited for the angry lion to charge at her and put an end to her pathetic life.

Her eyes remained glued to the ground as she was lead into the foyer of his house. He took his coat off and placed it over the coat rack next to the door and motioned for her to do the same.

She shook her head no and wrapped her arms around herself feeling as though she needed to protect the one possession she owned. This sweater was a symbol of her survival, her one lifeline during the freezing days. She knew it wouldn't be stolen or taken away from her here, but she hadn't taken it off since she got it and it would feel really weird parting with it.

Her eyes fell back to the floor as an older blonde woman with striking hazel eyes appeared in the living room.

"Judy, this is Santana, she's going to be staying with us for a few days," Russell explained as though this was a normal occurrence. Judy didn't seem fazed by Santana's appearance in her house which made a small part of the suffocating uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach disappear.

"It's nice to meet you, Santana," Judy greeted assuming this was a client of her husband's. "Come in and make yourself at home, I was just starting on dinner."

Inside her head, Santana was waiting for the camera man to jump out and tell her this was all a big prank, that she needed to turn around and find her own way back to whatever shelter would take her back. She could tell it was late enough that she'd never find a shelter tonight with any available space for her.

The aroma of whatever Judy was cooking wafted to Santana's nose making her usually empty stomach growl loudly. Ashamed that her stomach made her stick out even further, she wrapped her arms even tighter around her body and hoped and prayed she would just disappear into one of those cracks she tried so hard to avoid.

"Would you like something to drink?" Russell asked knowing the offer would distract her from her discomfort and would get her further into the house easily.

"No, no thank you," Santana stuttered nervously. She had never been in a situation like this before and she wasn't sure how to act.

"Do you want to meet my kids?" he asked not wanting to put her into a situation she wasn't ready for just yet.

She wasn't sure how to answer that. She hadn't had the opportunity to meet a lot of people her age in a very long time. She hadn't attended school since she was ten, and the women's shelters she had been staying at didn't have many women close to her age. She didn't know how to act around other teenagers.

Santana replied with a simple shrug of her shoulders, truly not sure how to answer the question.

"Well how about this, I'll take you up to the guest room and you can relax before dinner, sound good?" he asked in a gentle tone. Russell understood that the young girl felt extremely out of place and wanted to do anything he could to rid her of the uncomfortable feeling.

"Okay," she answered simply earning a warm smile from the older man.

He led her up the stairs to a small guest room and explained where the bathroom was and who occupied the other bedrooms surrounding hers.

"I'll let you know when dinner is ready," he parted from the room leaving the door open. Unsure of what she was supposed to do now, Santana sat on the edge of the bed. She knew her clothes weren't clean so she didn't want to lay down on their clean sheets.

She fiddled with the tattered sleeve of her sweater once again, finding comfort in the familiar motion.

Their guest room was very nice and organized. A small bureau sat in the corner of the room under a small window with a view overlooking the backyard. A study desk sat along the other wall, with a desk lamp and various school utensils sitting on top. A decent size TV sat on a stand on the wall adjacent to the bed presumably for watching while lounging in bed. Santana knew it was just a simple guest room, but it was by far the cleanest and fanciest room she had stayed in for quite a few years.

Santana desperately wanted to get some sleep in the comfortable bed. It looked warm and inviting and just sitting on it made her feel sleepy and relaxed. She wished her clothes weren't dirty so she could lie back and fall asleep in the cushy pillows.

"Santana, would you like some pajamas?" Judy, who had appeared in the doorway, asked noticing Santana's apprehension. The older women gave the scared girl a warm smile. She felt horrible for the girl and she still didn't understand how her husband was able to see so many kids in similar situations and still maintain such a good demeanor.

Startled at the new presence in the room, Santana simply shook her head. It was still very unusual for her to have an adult treating her with respect and trying to help her.

"You look like you could use some sleep. Why don't you change into these, get some sleep, and come find me when you wake up and I'll heat up some dinner for you?" Judy suggested noticing dark circles around the girl's eyes and knowing they only meant one thing.

Judy placed a simple white t-shirt and flannel pair of pajama pants onto the bed next to the young girl.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding in your house," Santana apologized as Judy was heading out of the room. Judy was quick to turn back and shake her head in the negative at the girl.

"You're not intruding at all. If Russell really believes you need to be here, you will be welcome in this house," Judy reassured.

"It's weird, I've never had someone actually care about me," she admitted picking up the t-shirt that had been placed next to her. She ran her hands over the soft material, trying to remember the last time she had clean clothes in her hands to put on.

"This family will change your mind about that," Judy consoled. "Try and get some sleep, you look exhausted. Russell and I will be downstairs in the living room, just come down whenever you're ready to eat."

"Thank you," Santana stated before Judy left the room leaving the girl in the quiet once again.

It felt peculiar to Santana, the feeling of having a place to stay at night that didn't kick her out first thing in the morning and send her into the cold to somehow find food and warmth. Normally she wouldn't be allowed to return until late into the night and would only get the bed if they all hadn't been claimed.

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to be doing. She figured she'd change into the pajamas and get some rest. Judy was definitely right, she certainly was exhausted. The shelters had been noisy and overcrowded the last few weeks and sleep had been a hard thing to come by.

Santana closed the door and stopped for a minute in front of it trying to get the motivation to take off the clothes she was wearing. She hadn't been undressed in a long time and it was weird for her. She felt exposed just thinking about being naked and far too vulnerable for her liking.

She quickly stripped her clothes off and put the new clean ones on. The soft material felt amazing around her body.

The bed looked very inviting and the tiredness was setting in much stronger than before. She opened the door back up, not sure whether or not it was proper to leave it open or close it while sleeping.

Just as the door was being opened a young blonde girl passed by the door stopping quickly as the guest room door opened. She recognized her from the picture Russell had showed her in the office but she was clearly older now. Her hair was long and wavy in the picture she had been shown but her hair was much shorter now and straight. It sat above her shoulders and had a few pink streaks in it.

The girl turned quickly at the surprising guest in their house not remembering her parents telling her about a guest and she was sure neither of her siblings would just randomly bring a girl home.

"Um, hi. I don't think we've met?" the blonde asked observing the pajamas on the brunette in front of her with a curious eye. She could feel herself be scrutinized by the girl in front of her whose name she couldn't remember for the life of her.

"Your dad's letting me stay here," she answered simply for once not feeling uncomfortable talking to another person. Strangely she felt a sense of calmness inside her that she couldn't recall ever feeling before.

"I'm Quinn," she smiled extending her hand to the other girl who didn't hesitate to reach out and shake it back. The feeling of calm became almost overwhelming as their hands touched which made Santana very confused. She wasn't sure what was going on in her body. It felt like butterflies were fluttered mercilessly in her stomach searching for a way to get out.

"Santana," she answered not breaking eye contact with her.

"It's really nice to meet you. I'm guessing you're getting ready for a nap?" she asked and received a nod in response from Santana. "Well I'll let you get to it then. My room is right next door, don't hesitate to knock if you need anything at all," Quinn explained sending the girl another smile and moving to continue down the hall.

She stopped abruptly and turned her mouth curling into a wicked smile that Santana couldn't help but think was unbelievably adorable. "By the way, cute pajamas."


	3. Nightmares

Good dreams rarely occurred for Santana. Not once in her life did she remember having a pleasant dream that stayed within her consciousness very long after she woke up. Her nightmares, which were frequent and usually unrelenting, stayed with her for a very long time and haunted her thoughts for days. Nightmares of abandonment, danger, and having to run for her life frequented most of her nights.

She knew abandonment was the scariest of all for her. She'd dealt with the pain from that emotion all her life, whether it be from the nightmares that plagued her nights or the situations that were handed to her during the day. After being sent away from foster home after foster home, the deep seeded sting of abandonment just never faded.

Her sleep in the Fabray guest room was unusually pleasant. No nightmares visited her during the night, she didn't wake up in a cold sweat after theoretically running for her life. She felt, strangely, at ease in this house. She woke up feeling like she belonged here, like she was finally home and the feeling scared her horribly. She'd never forget the pain of abandonment that came when she let herself become complacent in a home.

Feeling at home was bad, because once this was taken away from her, like it always has been, she will be left feeling even more empty and ashamed. Santana couldn't let herself get comfortable here, not when she knew she would be back on the streets far too soon.

She had made the mistake of getting comfortable with a family once. They had been compassionate and loving and Santana fell quickly in love with the family. Unfortunately for her, her time at the home was cut short and she was taken from them and left with no believable explanation and no place to call home.

After that family she gave up on feeling love or feeling at home. Not one to be burned by the same mistake twice, Santana shut her heart off from everyone causing the next families she was placed with to quickly give up on her. Eventually the feeling of rejection and abandonment became too much to handle so she opted to live on the streets and forgo being placed in family after family that wouldn't and couldn't love her.

As unsafe and uncomfortable as it was living on the streets, she knew it was better than being put in more homes that really didn't want her. She was tired of feeling unwanted, she'd rather just feel insignificant.

The clock next to her bed read quarter to nine, so she knew she'd been asleep for a few hours. She could still feel a heavy exhaustion weighing down on her, but the grumbling in her stomach was winning the battle in her head.

Remembering that Judy said she'd heat some food up for her, Santana made her way downstairs finding Judy on the couch watching TV with an older girl whose name she couldn't remember. She was another blonde in the family, except hers was much darker than the others she had met. She was dressed similarly to Santana, in a pair of red sweat pants and a white hoodie. She looked bored out of her mind but after glancing at the TV and seeing what appeared to be some news report on it, she understood why.

Judy heard the footsteps on the stairs and turned to greet the young girl assuming she was coming down to get some food.

"Hey there, it's very nice of you to join us in the conscious world. Are you hungry?" Judy asked in a very kind tone when Santana met her eyes. She nodded her head feeling uncomfortable around the third person in the room who had yet to take their eyes off of her. Sensing a tension coming from the girl Judy introduced Santana to Charlotte.

"Santana will be staying with us for a little while," she explained simply to the girl.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you," she greeted with in a kind tone. She couldn't recall Quinn telling her she had a friend staying over so she made the assumption that Santana might be one of her dad's clients. It didn't happen often but the whole family knew what their dad did for a living and what kind of situations his clients were normally in.

Judy signaled for Santana to join her in the kitchen, hoping to help the girl get more comfortable around her. Her oldest daughter tended to be more quiet and subdued and that could lead to an awkward situation for Santana to be in.

"Did you sleep okay?" Judy asked as the microwave heated up the dinner she had put aside for the young girl.

"Yes," she answered simply still uncomfortable around adults. She wanted to be as polite as possible.

"Russell and I still have a lot more to talk about, but I want you to know that you are welcome in this house as long as you need to be here," Judy explained hoping Santana would take her seriously.

"No I don't want to be a burden. I'll go back to the shelter after tonight," Santana said hoping she wouldn't actually have to go back there.

"You will not be going back to that shelter," Russell said appearing behind her having heard some of the conversation. "Judy and I talked enough about it, we want you to start going to school and stay here while you do so. This is an opportunity to start over, I'll file the paperwork to officially have you placed here if that's what you want. We just don't want you going back out onto the streets."

The words didn't seem real to Santana. She had heard similar words many times in her short life and every time ended up being a letdown for her. Every house she was placed in turned out horrible and treated her as though she was trash. Going against every cell in her body screaming to not trust this family, to not be fooled once again, Santana decided she would give this family a chance to prove that they really wanted her here. Her only other option would be the streets, and she couldn't let herself end up back there.

"You really want me here?" she asked giving them the opportunity to change their minds and figure out she wasn't someone to take a chance on. It broke their hearts to hear such vulnerability and fear in the girl's voice. It only strengthened their resolve to protect her from the streets and take her under their wing.

"Yes, we really want you here, but there are a few conditions. One, you must start attending school. I can set up a meeting with the principal at McKinley High and explain your situation to him and get you started there based off what he thinks will be the best plan. Two, you will be treated just like the other children. You have a curfew, dinner is at six every night, four on Sundays, homework gets done before other activities, and Thursday nights are family nights. We attend mass every Sunday morning and we would like for you to come with us," Russell explained helping to reassure Santana that they truly wanted her to be here.

She had never had rules enforced on her before. Things like family nights and curfews were completely foreign. Was this what real parents were supposed to be like? Was this..normal?

"I don't understand why you're helping me," her voice remained small and scared but she was beginning to see that her home was no longer on the streets. She wasn't even remotely ready to let her guard down but she was starting to see that this was going to be different.

"Because no one deserves to live out on the streets like that. This family does not let people be treated like that," Judy told her in a strong voice leaving no room for doubt. "This weekend we will go out and get you some new clothes and the basic stuff you will need for school. The guest room will be yours from now on, we'll pick out some stuff to make it feel more normal for you."

"I didn't expect you to take me into your home," Santana admitted honestly confused as to why they would be generous to a complete stranger. When she arrived at the office building this afternoon she expected a new foster home and maybe a warm meal. She never could have predicted that Russell would be taking her into his home and take care of her.

"We couldn't leave you to stay on the streets," Russell answered simply with the same warm smile he's had the entire day. It was a smile that actually put Santana at ease. It was a smile she really wanted to believe in.

Just as the conversation was wrapping up with a few final rules for living in that house, all of which were gladly agreed upon by the still stunned girl, and Santana was finishing up the food Judy had cooked for her, Quinn came down into the kitchen in search of food.

"Quinn, can you give Santana a few things to wear for the next few days?" Judy asked her daughter who was looking through the refrigerator.

"Of course," she agreed grabbing a can of soda and an apple from the fridge and heading back upstairs motioning for Santana to come with her.

"Thank you again for all this," Santana said to the adults before following the young girl upstairs. She felt comfortable following Quinn upstairs, for once there was no feeling of suffocation or uncertainty as her legs lead her behind the other girl. She felt at ease in Quinn's presence and couldn't pinpoint why that would be.

Quinn's room did not fit the first impression she had of the girl. She figured it would be a bright color with a lot more girly things then she was currently seeing. Band posters littered the walls along with posters of movies she hadn't even heard of, not like that was saying much though. The walls were painted a deep red color giving the room a relaxed and tranquil atmosphere.

Santana noticed a keyboard and stand in the corner of the room which surprised her. She had not pegged Quinn as a musician but by just a simple inspection of the room, Santana figured this girl was going to be breaking a lot of her expectations.

"My closet is full of clothes, just help yourself to anything you may need. I actually just went panties shopping so I have a few pairs that I've never worn that you're free to take. If there is anything else you want in the bureau just help yourself, it looks like we wear the same size," Quinn explained opening the drawers of her bureau for Santana to look it. She gestured to the closet as well letting Santana know she had free reign over that too.

"I don't understand why everyone in this house is so nice to me," Santana remarked off-topic. Quinn didn't seem fazed by the admission and was quick to reassure Santana that it was a sincere kindness from a family who had dealt with a child in a similar situation before.

"Having Noah in our lives helped us see how hard it is for people stuck in the system. He was much younger then you are when he came to live with us but he taught us what it means to be accepting and showed us that our lives here should not be taken for granted," she explained hoping to calm the girl's uneasiness.

It all sounded so easy coming from Quinn. It made them seem like the perfect family. It made Santana want to never wake up from this perfect dream.

"I haven't even met Noah yet," Santana said realizing she had heard much about the other Fabray child, but still had not met him.

"I think he's tutoring at school still. Noah's a big nerd, you'll learn that very quickly." Quinn gave a small laugh which Santana, once again, found to be unbelievably adorable. The simple act of the laugh made her whole face light up and the striking hazel eyes that she found it hard not to get lost in, seemed to illuminate with the happiness.

The butterflies reappeared unexpectedly in Santana's stomach making her question what was really going on with her. She had never experienced this type of feeling towards another person before. It wasn't something she understood even in the slightest.

The girls had picked out a few outfits for Santana to wear for the next few days while they continued talking. The distraction of finding clothes was keeping the brunette from truly dealing with the unrelenting fluttering in her stomach.

"So what will I learn quickly about you?" Santana asked surprising herself with a flirting tone. She knew she had never done that before and was surprised she had even recognized it as flirting.

"I don't know, I'm pretty mysterious. I guess you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself," Santana was even more surprised that the flirting tone was returned to her. She knew she was pretty unsure of the whole situation, but she was pretty sure girls didn't usually flirt with each other. It must be something friends did that she was just unaware of. She'd never actually had a friend before so what did she know. "What about you? What should I learn about you?"

Santana smiled at the remark, having to bite her tongue to keep the response that immediately popped into her head from coming out. She had to stop for a minute and realize that she was smiling, something she barely had any recollection of ever really doing. Not only did she realize she was flirting with the girl, but now she was smiling, what was this girl doing to her?

"I guess that's just something you're going to have to figure out," Santana answered mimicking the reply she had gotten for her similar question to the blonde.

Quinn's eyes connected with Santana's sending an intense wave of emotions into the girl. Emotions she wasn't sure she could actually identify. Feeling speechless and trapped in the stare, Santana let their eyes stay connected. She felt like her soul was open and clear for Quinn to see but her heart was telling her it was okay. It was telling her she could trust this girl with her emotions, something she had never done before.

Quinn's eyes were a striking hazel and Santana felt like she could see every emotion coursing through the blonde's body with just one simple look. She saw definite curiosity in the girl's stare, along with intrigue. Santana didn't know what to make of the look. She couldn't imagine why this girl would be intrigued or curious about her at all. People usually didn't give her enough time of day to be intrigued or curious about her and now here was this girl gazing deep into her eyes almost trying to decipher every hidden secret or insecure thought. She felt like Quinn was figuring her out with just one simple look. It was just one simple look, but to Santana it meant everything.

"I look forward to it," Quinn whispered not breaking the eye contact. Both girls realized it was probably not a good idea but neither were sure what any of this meant. All they knew, is that they looked forward to finding out.

Any thoughts Santana may have previously had of avoiding feeling at home here were eradicated the minute the intense eyes of the girl in front of her penetrated her gaze. Her guarded heart was starting to feel again and it both terrified and excited her.

Quinn sent Santana off to the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes and a large fluffy towel with the instructions to take the longest shower she had ever taken. It only took Santana about two seconds of staring at the complicated faucet in the bathroom before she timidly returned to Quinn's room to ask for help.

Quinn laughed lightly before leading her back to the bathroom.

"This turns the water on," she told her turning one of the knobs completely around. "The further you turn it, the hotter the water gets. This turns the overhead showerhead on. You're better off turning it on before you climb in."

"Thanks," Santana said quietly, a little embarrassed she wasn't able to figure that out.

"Of course. I told you, whatever you need, don't hesitate to ask," Quinn reassured placing her hand on Santana's shoulder and squeezing slightly before turning and walking out of the bathroom. Santana watched her go before turning back to the shower.

Stripping out of her clothes this time around was less stressful for Santana. She didn't feel as vulnerable or uncomfortable exposing herself and any anxiety that may have crept up completely washed away as she stood under the powerful jet. The hot water was completely soothing her tired muscles and washing away the feelings of dirt and shame from being in so many shelters. She spent at least ten minutes shampooing her hair, enjoying the feeling of scrubbing her scalp with the amazing smelling shampoo. It was some tropical scent that she had smelled on Quinn earlier.

She finished the rest of the shower in the next twenty minutes, letting the water run over her and wash away the grime that she was sure was more in her head than anything else. She soon found herself back in the spare room, her room now, staring at the most comfortable bed she'd ever been in. She noticed a newer looking hair brush was now on the dresser as well as the clothes she and Quinn had picked out earlier. The thoughtfulness that Quinn showed in those simple efforts made Santana smile once again. She had a feeling she should get use to this smile with Quinn around, the girl certainly new how to bring it out.

She took the time to brush her hair out before throwing it up into a ponytail, using one of the hair ties that had also been placed on the dresser. She saw a small box was also a new addition to the dresser but figured she'd have tomorrow to search through it. For now, she had a meeting with that bed and she wasn't going to be late.

That night Santana's sleep was absent of nightmares, instead replaced with a certain hazel eyed blonde girl who, with just one simple look, was penetrating her closed off heart and slowly making her feel real again.


	4. Security Blanket

They say the hardest times in life define and create who you will become. Santana had decided either that statement was entirely false, or she would be a huge disaster for the rest of her life. Even as it seemed her life was going to turn around, as it did the minute she stepped into Russell's office three weeks ago, something or someone had to pull the rug out from under her feet and make her feel unstable once again.

She had been wrong weeks ago when she guessed the date. Lima had seen an early snowstorm this year and it was actually November when Russell had taken her in. November 14th, to be exact. She made it a point of always knowing the date now, a little thing that seemed insignificant to everyone else, but to her it meant a sense of normalcy she had never been afforded before.

Her home life was going okay, it was a huge adjustment to finally have a home and still was unsure about the whole idea. She had no issues following any of their rules, she was the perfect daughter. She never spoke back, she never was out past her curfew, and she always did her chores on time, even volunteering to do extra chores from time to time. She got along great with Judy and Russell and their three children. Everything was, for all intents and purposes, going really well.

Judy had supplied her with a wardrobe at least tripling the amount of clothes she had ever owned combined. She helped her design the room to her liking, mostly Judy did all the designing because Santana had no clue.

White curtains now hung in the windows that Santana had mentioned she liked when they were shopping one day. The room had been painted a deep blue color, something that Judy had suggested noticing the girl took a liking to the deep colors in Quinn's room. The plain rug had been torn out and replaced with a hardwood floor.

Russell had bought her a brand new laptop, television, and iPhone. Three things that were very foreign to her and she felt as though she didn't deserve or need. Russell simply explained that they were things all three of their kids had before, now their forth would too.

She barely used the laptop, not seeing the need and not really knowing how to work it. Noah had showed her how to do some of her homework on it so that was typically the extent of the use she got from it.

She never made any calls on the cell phone, only answered it when one of the Fabrays were trying to get in touch with her. She still couldn't figure out all the extra stuff it did, opting to just use it when it rang. Quinn had tried to teach her how to use the internet or how to text, but she never saw the need.

Her new television was large and fancy. She remembered Charlotte saying something about flat screen and high definition, but she really didn't know what she was talking about. She seemed pretty impressed by it though so Santana knew it was a really nice television and probably really expensive. She didn't dare ask questions about cost. She didn't flip channels very often. Quinn would come in every once and a while and put on some show that she told her was interesting, but besides that it was usually left off.

She couldn't believe the Fabrays had done so much for her and opened their arms so widely. She was beginning to realize what she felt was similar to what it would feel like to have a family.

She had never been someone's daughter. Well at some point in her life she had, someone had to give birth to her, but she had never known them. Didn't remember their face. Didn't remember their voice. Didn't even know their first name.

All Santana knew was that she had been dropped on the doorstep of a hospital when she was still an infant with a card that told them her name and told them no one would return to pick her up.

She remembered reading that card a thousand times when she was younger and still believed that maybe she could use it to find her parents. Before she realized that they just didn't want to be found.

Santana threw the card away a few years back when her heart and mind had given up on her "family." Russell had mentioned to her before that he could do some digging for her if that was what she truly wanted but she quickly declined the offer. Why would she want to find the people that had sealed her fate to live the life she had lived?

Charlotte and Noah had treated Santana like their little sister, making sure no one messed with her at school or around the town. Noah had made sure she knew where all her classes were, and included her in all the activities they would do.

Quinn had treated Santana like her best friend, immediately introducing Santana to all her friends at school and never forcing her into conversations but rather realizing when the girl was uncomfortable and being her voice for her. She was unbelievably protective of Santana, knowing that she would not stick up for herself and could get into a situation that she wasn't sure how to get out of. Quinn had been beside Santana the whole way and she greatly appreciated it.

Quinn had convinced Santana to join the glee club with her, explaining that the kids in this club were part of her family. She reassured that once you were in that choir room with the group, the outside world ceased to exist. Santana had gone to the meetings with Quinn, opting to sit quietly in her seat and observe.

The teacher, Mr. Schue, had allowed her to sit out some of the routines until she got comfortable. He never forced her to participate but would encourage her when she had gotten out of her chair to be a part of the group.

Quinn would always be right by her side, whether she stayed in the chair and watched or got up to dance around with the group. The girl's presence by her side helped her to step slightly out of her shell.

Everything was going great for Santana, except for the actual schoolwork. She hadn't been in school since she was ten, and now she was thrown into high school and expected to have the abilities and past knowledge to do well in her five classes. Most of the families she was with didn't care enough about her to send her to school.

Teachers were informed and sympathetic to her situation. They knew to never call on her in class and offered extra help to her after classes. It was a good help, but no amount of extra tutoring would make subjects like algebra or physics come any easier.

She knew she was just barely passing her classes, if she was even passing them. Mid semester grades were going home today and Santana was nervous. She knew that all the Fabray children got good grades and figured Judy and Russell would be disappointed when they saw her grades.

She didn't want to be kicked back onto the streets because she was not up to the caliber of the rest of the Fabray children.

Physics was her first class of the day. Quinn had dropped her off at her class a few minutes before the bell sending a wink and a smile her way before making her way to her own class just a few doors down the hall.

She took her normal seat near the back. She out her notes and book and waited for the teacher to come into the room.

The room was filled before she knew it but the teacher had yet to make an appearance, instead a forty something balding overweight man made his way to the desk spilling a mess of papers and books onto it before instructing the class to quiet down.

"Mr. Conner will be out today. I'm Mr. Devlin please take out your books and open to page 324," he explained clearing a small space on the desk for his book and opening it.

"Do I have any volunteers to read?" He scanned the room before looking down at a paper he had on his desk.

Santana hoped and prayed he did not call on her. She had never read aloud before and her reading was still before her grade level. Her English teacher had been working with her a lot to help boost her reading abilities and it had been working but she had no confidence in her ability and no experience reading or even talking in front of a group.

"Ms. Lopez, why don't you start reading from the top of the page," he instructed obviously not knowing about Santana. She felt her heart leap into her throat and her stomach was doing somersaults. She could hear a few murmurs from the rest of the students, most knew about Santana and knew that the teachers would never call on her.

She could barely make out the words on the page in front of her. She was so flustered and nervous her vision was blurry and scattered. She cleared her throat the best she could but nothing would rid her of the lump that formed in her nervousness. She adjusted the glasses she had just recently found out that she needed on her nose, hoping they would help her see the words better.

"N-New-ton's, l-l-laws of mo-m-motion are three-ee," all around her Santana could hear snickering at her inability to read. She knew the words in her head, but her mouth refused to say them out loud. She paused feeling deeply humiliated. The teacher looked at her showing no sign of sympathy.

"Please continue, Ms. Lopez," he told her sternly. She was powerless in this situation, clearly he had no idea why she was reading like this, probably thought she was pulling a prank. She wished she had Quinn in this class with her so someone would have stuck up for her and kept her from this horrible humiliation.

The teacher sent her a stern look telling her to continue reading sometime soon.

"Ar-re three phy-ph-physic-al laws wh-which," the laughing only got worse but the teacher seemed to be oblivious to the teasing and humiliation.

"Is this some kind of joke, Santana?" he asked condescendingly. "I do not appreciate students trying to play one over on the substitutes."

Santana hung her head in shame, not believing this teacher was adding to the embarrassment. She shook her head no but the teacher seemed to ignore it. The suffocating drowning feeling returned to her body for the first time in three weeks. All she could hear was the laughing and snickering around her and couldn't believe he thought she was playing a prank.

"Now continue reading and cut the joking out." His command was firm and final and Santana knew there was no escaping this situation.

She prayed for the bell to ring to save her but she knew it was hopeless. The class had just started and she was not getting out of this.

"I'm waiting," he said impatiently. She could hear snickers from the other students still, she wished she had someone in the class to help her out, but alas, no one was going to help her out.

She looked slightly to her right to see one of the glee kids she had kind of befriended in the last three weeks, Tina. The girl sent her a sympathetic look, but did not speak up for her. She was shy in her own right, and was helpless to stand up to the intimidating teacher.

She focused on the words in front of her, trying to swallow the lump in her throat and make her brain say the words right. They were still unbelievably blurry, she blinked a few times and adjusted her glasses again before once again trying to focus on the words in front of her.

"Wh-Which are dir-directly re-re-related t-t-to the f-for-forces-s act-acting," she paused again when she heard the teacher get up from his desk and make his way over to her. His shadow soon blocked the light on her book and she knew he was right next to her desk.

"Get out of this class now," he directed waiting for her to start packing up.

"But I wasn't doing anything wrong," she tried to defend herself but to no avail.

"Do you really think mocking the substitute is doing nothing wrong?" he asked raising his voice to her making her quiver slightly. She could barely recall the last time someone had raised their voice to her, and that time she ended up severely bruised and sore. The teacher raising his voice to her made the painful memory come rushing back. "Now pack up your stuff and go to the principal's office, now!" he yelled sternly, roughly handing her backpack to her from the floor.

She shrunk back at the motion fearing she would be struck again. All she could see in her mind was a fist connecting with her body over and over again, mercilessly beating her within an inch of her life. When no physical harm came to her body she realized she was sitting in front of the rest of the class that was looking at her like she was insane. She pulled herself out of the nightmare and shoved her books inside the bag she had taken from his hand before making her way out the door while the rest of the class broke out into loud hysterics.

Tears that she had been holding in since the teacher called on her sprang from her eyes as she made her way to the office knowing the principal would understand her situation. She was angry with herself for thinking about her past, she had buried those details deep inside herself and couldn't believe she had let herself get so caught up once again.

The secretary, an older lady that insisted everyone, including students, call her Marie, escorted her right into the principal's office after seeing the tears on her face. They had all been informed about Santana's unique situation and were told to be extra cautious with her. She handed her a tissue and stayed close to her side knowing the girl needed comfort.

"Santana please have a seat," Principal Figgins instructed seeing the upset girl. He nodded to Marie telling her it was okay for her to leave. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked gently, not forcing anything from the young girl, knowing it would get them nowhere.

She just shook her head no not wanting to relive the embarrassing situation. She didn't feel comfortable talking to many adults and although the principal had always been nice to her, she still was unsure with him.

Understanding that the girl wasn't going to open up to him, he told Santana to compose herself in his office as long as she would need and then she could make her way to study hall until next period.

"Unless you feel like you want to go home, I'll completely understand if that's what you want," he told her trying to keep any pressure off the girl. He knew that school with her was going to be touch and go so her going home for a day would be expected and okay.

"Can you get Quinn?" she asked in a small voice ashamed. It was almost as though she saw Quinn as her security blanket and in this moment what she definitely needed was security and comfort.

"Absolutely," he answered simply and made his way out of the office to find the other girl. He felt horrible for the upset girl and knew the substitute in her morning class probably had something to do with it.

He cursed himself for not prepping the substitute he hired for the physics class. It has simply slipped his mind and Santana was clearly paying for that.

After Marie told him Quinn's first period class he left the office all together in search of the girl. After the short walk to room 307 he stuck his head in the door and asked the teacher to excuse Quinn from the class. She quickly gathered up her things and made her way over to him.

"I'm not in trouble am I?" she asked after the door had been closed. She was pretty sure she hadn't done anything wrong, but the principal had never pulled her out of class before.

"No of course not. Santana's in the office, she seems really upset. She won't tell me anything but she asked for you," that was all Quinn needed to hear before she took off down the hall for the office. She had become very protective of her new family member and immediately wanted to kill whoever had made her upset.

The principal made his way to Santana's physics class to find out what really happened.

He pulled Mr. Devlin from the class telling the students to read to themselves.

"This must be about Ms. Lopez," the teacher said feeling good about himself. He had stood up to one of the punks in the class, or so he thought.

"It certainly is," the principal confirmed with no hint of praise in his voice. "Why don't you explain to me what happened."

"She tried making a big mockery out of me. Pretending like she couldn't read making all the students laugh. These kids always think they can pull one over on the substitute, I wasn't going to stand for it," the teacher boasted still thinking he did the right thing.

"Did you know that this is Santana's first year in school since she was ten? And that she is working after school every day with an English teacher to get her reading level up to the ninth grade level? Or that she has spent 17 years of her life between foster care or out on the streets barely surviving?" the principal explained angry at the man's attitude.

"I.. I didn't know," he muttered feeling ashamed. His confidence immediately deflated and he finally keyed into the anger on the principal's face

"You just humiliated that girl. We've been working so hard to break that shell she has surrounding her and getting her to be more outspoken, you may have just ruined it all," he told him very angry with his idea about teaching.

"I thought she was just pulling a prank on me," he tried to defend but to no avail. His fate had already been decided. "No one told me about any special circumstances with any of the students!"

"Go pack your things up and send the class to study hall, we won't be needing your services anymore," with that Mr. Figgins walked away heading back to his office.

Quinn found Santana in the principal's office still, no longer with tears in her eyes but still visibly upset.

"Hey buddy," Quinn greeted bending down to be at eye level with the upset girl.

She got a weak trace of a smile in return accompanied by no words.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" she asked gently placing her hand on the girl's arm to help to sooth her and encourage her to open up.

Santana simply shook her head letting her know she didn't want to talk. Her eyes remained forward, studying the poster on the wall behind Marie's desk. She wanted to laugh at herself in that moment, knowing she could read the few words on that poster to Quinn right now if she was asked to.

"I can't help if you don't tell me what happened," Quinn said reassuringly.

"I had a substitute in physics," she told her simply, hoping no further explanation was needed. Quinn nodded her head understanding what must have occurred, or at least the general gist of it.

"Why don't we go and get some real breakfast," Quinn asked knowing the rest of the day would be a waste for the shaken girl. It wasn't the first time an incident at school had ruined the rest of her day and she knew it was better to take her home and comfort her then it was to make her stay at school where she would be useless.

Quinn knew all of Santana's teachers had been informed about her situation and knew not to single her out or push her in front of the other students. Her substitute must not have been informed about the unique situation. She felt like going down to the classroom and giving the teacher a piece of her mind but by judging by the absence of the principal, he had already done that.

Santana had no problem agreeing to the chance to be away from school and the students that had to witness her humiliation. She knew it would be difficult to sit through the rest of her classes that contained a good majority of the students that witnessed what just occurred. Even though Quinn was in the majority of her remaining classes she wasn't ready to face the kids that had laughed at her just yet.

"Let me just get us signed out," Quinn told her leaving the office and making arrangements with the secretary for their dismissal. The older lady smiled sympathetically at the hazel eyed girl in front of her and started filling out the paper to dismiss both girls.

"I'll need to speak to one of your parents. Is your mom working today?" she asked knowing the family very well. Both Judy and Russell were involved in the school during vast activities and have donated both time and money to help the school.

"I think she's home until 3," Quinn answered trying to remember what her mom's schedule was. Mondays usually meant her mom would be home when they got home from school and then head to work. But she was an ER surgeon and emergencies meant a varying schedule with nothing set in stone.

"Ok, why don't you get yours and Santana's stuff out of the lockers. I'll give your mom a call," she instructed while she picked up the phone to call Judy.

After retrieving her books and Santana's stuff from the lockers Quinn walked back to the office waiting for the okay to leave. She noticed Santana outside the office sitting on the benches waiting for her.

"Your mom said okay," she was told by Santana. Quinn wanted to correct the girl, she wanted to say that she wasn't just her mom, but she kept quiet knowing it was a sensitive subject. Santana was still getting comfortable with the authority figures Judy and Russell had become and Quinn knew not to rush that or place any unnecessary labels on it.

"Alright let's get going, I have a strong urge for some sappy movies and lots of ice cream, sound good to you?" Quinn asked watching an actual smile appear on the brunette's face. Movies and ice cream always made Quinn feel better and lately she had introduced the ritual to Santana. It quickly became one of Santana's favorite past times as well, as long as she was sharing it with Quinn, that is.

"Sounds great," Santana said thanking the girl with the smile she gave to her. She felt more safe and relaxed now that she was with Quinn. This girl had truly become her security blanket.

On the way home Quinn put on the country station both girls had agreed was their favorite. She turned the volume to low and eyed the quiet girl staring out the passenger window.

"When is your next session with Dr. Cutter?" she asked pulling the girl's attention from their surroundings. Dr. Cutter was a therapist that had been working with Santana to get her adjusted to her new life and was helping her fight some of her past demons, at least the ones Santana didn't have buried.

"Tomorrow," she answered simply going back to watching the houses and buildings fly past them.

"We're going to stop at Breadstix, do you want to get something to eat?" she asked trying to get Santana into some sort of conversation.

"Sure," she answered simply still caught up in the situation. Thinking about it made her feel more embarrassed and ashamed that she was not capable of things she should be capable of at her age.

Quinn reached over and grabbed Santana's hand trying to pull her out of her thoughts. She definitely wasn't expecting the jolt she felt at the connection of their hands. Judging by the look on her face, Santana also felt the jolt.

Her hand stayed inside the grip of the Quinn's no longer feeling embarrassed or ashamed. She knew Quinn did not feel like she was dumb and would never make fun of her or laugh at her.

She felt comfortable once again with Quinn's hand attached to her own, moving slow patterns over the back of her hand creating a burning feeling on her skin that neither girl understood.


	5. Breathtaking

It had become increasingly obvious to Santana as she spent more and more time in the Fabray house how much emphasis was placed on the importance of school. Report cards from previous terms were hung on the fridge showing A's and B's from all three Fabray children. Charlotte's acceptance letter from Ohio State hung right next to them. Special achievements were also hung up, making the fridge very overcrowded. Santana had yet to get anything on the fridge, but they had all reassured her that she had space.

Noah had previously informed her how badly he use to do in class, never really caring and never doing any of the work. He explained that he had rebelled when he was placed in a foster home and didn't want to do the work even though he was definitely capable.

"The Fabrays expected more out of me, I couldn't keep disappointing them," he had told her simply confirming her deepest fears. The Fabrays did expect perfection when it came to school and that was something Santana just wasn't capable of delivering.

She had walked through the school all day in a daze knowing by the end of the day she'd have her mid-semester report card and most likely an invitation to leave the Fabray house. Her teachers were sympathetic to her situation, but her grades weren't going to be. They had to give her the same tests and assignments as everyone else and she just wasn't capable of handling it all. She really did try her hardest, but she had so much to catch up on. She was at least six years behind everyone else her age.

Quinn had tried to talk to her throughout the day, attempting to get her to open up about what was bothering her, but Santana remained mostly silent. It wasn't usual for her to completely shut out Quinn but she knew it would be something she should get use to after the family sees her grades.

She sat in the back corner of glee club, watching everyone else dance around to the song the group was singing. She had long since stopped sitting out the performances, but today she had no interest in dancing around with them with a fake smile on her face.

Quinn took the seat next to her mid-way through the song, not asking any questions but simply taking her hand into her lap and holding onto it.

"Go dance," Santana instructed quietly, knowing Quinn was close enough to hear what she had said.

"I'm good here," she answered not moving slightly.

Santana wanted to pull her hand away. She didn't want to feel the comfort and warmth Quinn brought when she knew it would be taken from her soon. She couldn't bring herself to do it, though. She didn't have the will power to take away what may be the last bit of comfort she'd get from Quinn.

Glee ended quickly in Santana's opinion, which left one more thing to do before she could go home, get her progress report. Her familiar suffocating feeling returned as she walked to her homeroom where the teacher would have out the reports.

It had been a while since she had been overwhelmed with this particular feeling, each step felt heavier and heavier and she wasn't sure how to stop the rapid beating coming from her heart. She could hear students around her, chatting about mindless things but she wasn't able to focus on any of it. She fought to get air into her lungs once again, trying to calming the oncoming panic attack that was fighting its way through her body.

Her therapist had explained what the suffocating feeling she was getting really was. She explained that Santana suffered from pretty severe anxiety and had given her a few techniques to use when that overwhelming feeling returned. She had talked about putting Santana on anti-anxieties but after researching into them slightly with the help of Quinn she had declined. Dr. Cutter accepted this and promised she'd help her work through everything she had going on, no matter how long it took.

The teacher walked in and shushed everyone, trying to get control over the students who were anxious to get the papers that were in her hands and get home. She couldn't see the same panic she felt on anyone else's face. She was completely alone in her terror, just as she had been her entire life.

Her report was one of the last ones handed out. The teacher placed it face down on her desk, not giving her any sort of indication whether or not it was positive or negative. She moved on to the next desk quickly, before finishing and walking back to the front of the room to dismiss the class.

She sat in the desk staring at the paper long after everyone else had left the room. The teacher left the room soon after the rest of the class leaving her completely alone. Subconsciously she knew Quinn and Noah would be waiting for her outside the school to give her a ride home, but she couldn't find the ability to move anywhere. She wasn't really sure how long she sat there staring at the paper, willing it to disappear.

The paper taunted her, still sitting upside down so her fate was hidden from her. She had reached her hand up many times to flip the page over only to lose her nerve and drop her hand back down to her side. What was she supposed to do when she saw the bad news she knew was waiting for her? Would she survive back on the streets? Did she lose all the instincts she had built up in the two years she had spent on them?

She tried to remember which shelter was more welcoming than the others. She wasn't wearing old ratty clothes anymore, they might not believe that she really needed to be there.

Santana's thoughts were cut off as someone sat in the chair next to her. She looked over slightly startled at the presence she wasn't expecting only to be met with the comforting hazel eyes she had grown to rely on.

"Thought you forgot about us," Quinn said quietly eying the paper on the desk. Quinn had a similar one in her hand, though Santana doubted hers was full of bad news. Quinn was a straight A student, one of the best in their entire grade. Santana had studied the report cards on the fridge many times, amazed at how smart all of them were. She couldn't remember seeing a single B on any of their report cards and there were many years worth on the fridge.

Santana just shook her head, not trusting her voice to convey anything right now. She was sure it would crack and cause the tears she was trying so desperately to hold back to come out.

"San, will you look at me?" she pushed quietly, reaching out to take her hand once again. Santana closed her eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment she knew she'd see in Quinn's normally calm and comforting eyes. She felt the tears start to well up and didn't want Quinn to see her crying once again.

"Hey, San, it's okay. Whatever is on this paper doesn't matter. It's okay," Quinn tried to reassure but her efforts fell on deaf ears. Nothing was going to be okay, nothing. It was a mantra repeated over and over in her head.

Quinn took the paper off of the desk, her eyes not falling on it but rather stayed on Santana who sat stock still with her eyes still closed holding in the sobs.

"Santana, you've been working your ass off to help your grades. Mom and Dad see that. They know you're doing everything in your power to get good grades. They're not going to be mad," she said more sternly using her free hand to take Santana's chin in her hand and move her head so she was looking at Quinn. "They're not going to be mad. You're stuck with us now, please understand that," she reaffirmed trying to get Santana to see they weren't going to abandon her. She reached up and gently wiped away the few tears that had escaped against Santana's will.

"I can't go back there," Santana said quietly. Quinn knew she was referring to the streets and not the Fabray family home. Instead of answering, she pulled Santana out of the chair she was sitting in and into her arms. She wrapped them tight around her not giving her any opportunity to escape. Santana was unable to return the hug, her arms hung by her sides. She wasn't really comfortable with affection just yet. Quinn was usually the only one even attempting and the handholds she usually gave her soon became second nature, but this was different.

Quinn's hugs were close and intimate and made it really difficult for Santana to breathe. She wasn't use to people hugging her in the first place then add on the extra intimacy Quinn was able to convey with her hugs and Santana was in over her head.

"You're never going back there, Santana. Never," she repeated the simple word never over and over again, wanting Santana to truly understand they were different from everyone else that had disappointed her. They weren't going to give up on her, no matter what that paper says.

"Come on, let's get home. Mom has the day off so we can help her with dinner," Quinn tried to coax the girl out of her shell by giving her something familiar to think about. The girls helped with dinner most nights that Judy was home from the hospital. When Russell was home he made a big show of cooking everything by himself even if he did end up setting off the smoke alarm at least once a week.

Santana nodded to Quinn, noticing she still had yet to remove her arms from around her. Santana had no interest in moving from the spot where she was wrapped up so they stayed there for another few minutes, soaking in each other's warmth and presence.

Quinn eventually pulled away, keeping her hand locked in Santana's. She led Santana out of the classroom and outside to the car. Noah was leaning against the outside talking to two girls she kind of recognized from a few of her classes. She was really bad with names so she couldn't remember either of theirs but from the looks of it, Noah might not either.

"Time to go home, Casanova," Quinn said pulling him from the conversation and around to the driver's side door. Santana slipped into her normal seat in the back behind the passenger seat. Quinn normally sat in front of her but today she slid in next to her in the back, not breaking their handhold once.

"Didn't realize I was a chauffeur," Noah said teasing the girls. A swift kick to the back of his chair knocked the cocky smile off of his face and his focus returned solely to the road in front of them.

When they arrived home Noah placed his progress report on the table and disappeared upstairs after greeting Judy who was moving around the kitchen preparing something that smelled really good.

Judy noticed Santana's solemn mood and sent Quinn a questioning look. Quinn answered by holding up the progress reports. Judy opened her hands to Quinn and she handed both hers and Santana's over. Santana saw the papers being passed and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to sink into the ground. She started hoping for one of the cracks in the ground to open up and just take her away from this uncomfortable situation.

Judy picked Noah's report up from the table and looked his over first, keeping her face void of any emotion. She placed it down after a few minutes and took Quinn's and gave it the same treatment, still keeping a blank face. She once again placed that down and picked up Santana's.

Santana could feel herself start to panic. Her heart was pounding and she was starting to forget how to get the air she desperately needed into her lungs. Her anxiety was started to make itself known again so she tried to calm herself down by using the breathing techniques she learned. She waited for Judy's face to take on a look of shame and disappointment before she told her to get out of her house.

Santana closed her eyes when Judy placed her report down with the others, trying to brace herself for what she knew was coming. What she wasn't prepared for was two arms that definitely didn't belong to Quinn wrapping around her small frame. She opened her eyes as Judy pulled her closer.

"You've come so far in such a short time. All of your teachers see how much growth you've made. We'll get you there, I promise. And I promise you that you will never ever be kicked out of this house, no matter what. This is your home now, for good," Judy tried to reassure the girl who was slightly shaking in tears by the end of the speech. Judy motioned Quinn over who ran her hand up and down Santana's back to help to calm her.

Santana's arms remained locked around herself, trying to keep from falling into complete hysterics. She still couldn't understand why they were helping her, why they were willing to open their home to her and accept how horrible she was doing in school when the three actual Fabray children had amazing grades.

Santana managed to reign in her emotions and pulled herself away from the two blondes holding her. She sent them both the biggest smiles she could muster up knowing neither of them believed it at all. She excused herself quietly, grabbing the paper Judy had placed down on the table and made her way to her room. She closed her door behind her, kicking her sneakers off before lying back on her bed.

Judy and Russell had offered to buy her a new bed when she moved into the room but she refused stating that this was the most comfortable bed she'd ever slept in and didn't want anything else. They had bought a new bedspread for her that matched the walls and was filled with feathers. Santana had a hard time pulling herself out of the bed most mornings.

She fell back into the down comforter that was spread over the mattress and let her body sink into it, hoping to relax away the tension she was feeling. The paper still remained by her side, making it impossible to really get rid of any of the tension.

She reached down and grabbed it, adjusting her glasses on her eyes so she could read the words now held up in front of her. 'Does not meet expectations,' 'unsatisfactory,' and 'needs improvement' littered the page. Most of the comments were slightly more positive, letting her know they had hope for her. Her math teacher, however, gave it to her like it is. She was failing and he wasn't sure she'd be able to do anything to fix her grade.

Some of the topics she was able to slightly catch on to after all the tutoring she had been given. History and English required a lot of reading which Santana found she really enjoyed as long as she was just reading to herself. Her reading ability quickly rose to the appropriate age level after over a month of intensive one on one work with her very dedicated English teacher who knew exactly how to make the work much easier for her.

Math was her downfall. She couldn't make up years of lost knowledge in less than two months. She tried her hardest with all of the assignments and relied heavily on Quinn but no amount of tutoring could help her pass any of the tests.

She heard the knock on her door and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes that she didn't even realize had fallen. She quietly told whoever it was to come in, knowing it was quiet enough in her room for them to hear her.

"Mind if I join you?" Quinn asked peaking her head in the door. Santana nodded her head and scooted over knowing Quinn was going to climb right in on her right just like she always has previously. She felt the bed dip to her right just as predicted and looked over to see the girl lying next to her.

"I'm hopeless," Santana said quietly, holding the paper up for Quinn to see. She looked it over quickly, before taking it from Santana and placing it on the nightstand out of sight.

"You are not hopeless. Look how much growth you've made in a little over a month. I will do whatever I need to do to help you out. I promise," Quinn said reiterating her mother's earlier promises.

Santana looked over at Quinn after she spoke and really observed the girl next to her in bed. She was dressed down in a pair of black cotton shorts and a long sleeve white shirt. She had washed off the makeup she had worn to school and had her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail with lots of too short pieces sticking out.

Santana had always known Quinn was a beautiful girl but in that moment as they lay side by side, Santana realized just how breathtaking Quinn truly was. She felt it in that moment, that distinct lack of air just from looking at the girl next to her. It wasn't the similar suffocating feeling she usually got when she was overwhelmed, this was different. This was pleasant, even.

Santana had no idea what it meant, all she knew was that she couldn't take her eyes off of her, but Quinn seemed to be having the very same issue.


	6. Happy Brithday

A person's birthday is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year for them. It's supposed to be a celebration of their life and how lucky the world is to have them for one more year. For Santana, her birthday had always meant one more year in foster homes, one more year being neglected and not cared for.

To be completely honest, Santana didn't actually know when her real birthday was. She'd been told at a few homes that it was in December, others told her January, and some even mentioned June. Others didn't say anything about it, choosing to ignore that she even existed. By the time she was 15 and out on the streets, Santana told herself each new year meant a new age for her. When the people were out celebrating the New Year with loved ones, Santana would mark off another year in her head. When she told Russell she was 17 that was her best estimate.

For all she knew, she might be 16 or 18 or even older.

A month after the Fabrays had taken her in, the topic got brought up at the dinner table. Conversation flowed naturally between the family and they always tried to include the quiet Santana in, but normally she was content to listen to what was being said and respond with simple head shakes when someone asked her a question. Quinn was typically the only one who was able to get any sort of real verbal response from her and that was still too quiet for most of the other people around the table to hear.

No one pushed her to talk more, though. They knew she was still growing comfortable in their home and still use to living in foster homes that treated her like she was less than human.

Santana found it easier to be more vocal one on one with her new family, a term she was still very hesitant to use, even if just in her head.

"You know, Santana," Russell started getting the girl's attention, "we were talking about birthdays the other day and realized we didn't know when yours was."

Santana felt her heart sink slightly, trying to find out how to get out of this situation. Should she lie to them and give a false date like she had heard all her life? Or should she let them know the truth that she really had no idea when she was born. She didn't know when, where, anything like that.

Quinn must have seen her discomfort at the question because she connected their hands under the table. The familiar warmth she could always equate to Quinn spread throughout her entire body. She could see Quinn sending her a smile and giving her the answer she needed. There was no reason to lie to the Fabrays, they weren't going to be mad at her for not knowing when her birthday was.

"I, um," she hesitated slightly, trying to find her voice. It usually took her some time to get her voice back after being quiet for so long. "I don't know when it is," she finished avoiding eye contact with everyone else.

She felt Quinn squeeze her hand under the table never breaking the physical contact. The hand in hers might just be the only thing keeping her from running from the table and that was just barely doing the job at this point.

"Well that just won't do. I'll look into it," Russell reassured. Santana wasn't sure why she was still surprised by the calm and collected tone she always received from the man but it still came as a shock when loud angry bursts didn't come out of him every time she said something she thought might be disappointing.

Santana knew why she always expected anger and frustration from the father figure in her life. She'd been placed in one too many homes where the man that was supposed to be her dad liked to beat up on her when she did anything they thought was even remotely stepping out of line.

She barely remembered the worst beating she'd ever received. She was maybe twelve at the time and in a home with five or six other foster kids. She was the oldest and therefore left in charge when her foster parents were gone. She remembered falling asleep on the couch accidently, leaving the other younger kids to do whatever they wanted. When her foster dad came home and found a few things out of place because Santana was sleeping on the couch he went crazy on her.

The specifics of the beating she had erased from her memory but nothing could possibly erase the horrible pain she was in after he got tired of hitting her. She remembered not being able to open one of her eyes or move one of her arms. She could still feel the pain she had on her chest after he walked away.

She was removed from that house when a neighbor heard her unrelenting screams and called the police. From what she was later told, all of the foster kids were taken from his care and he was placed under arrest. She never heard anything more from it after that.

She was checked out at the hospital and found to have suffered three broken ribs, a broken bone in her face around her eye, and a severely separated shoulder.

Both her eye and her shoulder required surgery. The long recovery time was spent in the hospital because she had no home to go back to just yet. It was an amazing three weeks she didn't have to worry about being neglected or abused.

She still had the scars on her ribs from where they had to go in and fix the broken bones. The scar around her eye was barely visible but she knew exactly where it was and could point it out quickly if asked.

Santana shook herself from her thoughts of what had happened to her in the past and nodded her head to acknowledge Russell. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to that. Her birthday really didn't matter to her but it appeared Russell had other plans.

Santana was in the kitchen studying with Quinn a few days later when Russell came in with his usual bright smile on his face declaring he had news for them.

"December 18th," he said simply, not explaining what the date was.

"Next Friday, what about it?" Quinn asked looking up from the textbook they were reading together from. Quinn had gotten Santana to do some reading out loud just to her. It was a huge feat for the girls and Quinn absolutely beamed with pride the first time Santana read a sentence to her.

"On December 18th, 1993 in Cleveland one Santana Maribel Lopez was born at 5:18PM weighing in at 6 pounds 7 ounces ," Russell said from memory surprising both girls.

"Maribel?" Santana said quietly to herself, never having heard her middle name before. She had always figured her parents never gave her one. She only knew what her first and last name were because whoever had dropped her on the steps of the hospital had written her name out on the card that was left with her.

"Your birthday is next week," Quinn said addressing Santana directly.

Santana shrugged in response, still not understanding why that was a big deal. It just meant another year had passed. She didn't get birthday presents or anything like that, she never had a birthday cake or a party.

"You turn seventeen next week," Quinn tried again with some more enthusiasm in her voice this time.

"I thought I was seventeen already," Santana answered still not feeling the least bit excited.

"You'll see how we handle birthdays around here, Santana. We'll get some of your closest friends together and have a dinner of your choosing and we'll do cake. Charlotte makes amazing cakes, I'll have her bake one for you," Russell explained seemingly making more and more plans in his head as he continued to talk. She could see the excitement coming off both him and Quinn and she just couldn't get herself there.

Santana looked directly to Quinn hoping she'd be able to convey how overwhelmed all of this was making her with one simple look. Luckily, Quinn had gotten very good at reading her and quickly reached her hand out to take Santana's in her own. The anxiety that had started to creep up disappeared as the familiar warmth she always felt around Quinn took over.

She could hear Russell still rattling off ideas for a party she wasn't even sure she wanted to have but her focus remained on the calming hazel eyes that were bringing her home once again.

That following Friday, Santana woke up to the Fabrays singing to her. All five of them had surrounded her bed and were singing to her. Not so pleasant images and memories flooded her mind as she backed against the wall behind her bed to get away from the perceived onslaught. She felt her bed dip slightly on her right and was brought back to the present when the familiar warmth returned in the form of a delicate hand placed on her knee.

The bright smiles on their faces helped to bring her back and to realize they weren't coming in here to hurt her.

"Today is your day, San," Judy said to her after everyone finished singing. "We'll make your favorite breakfast before school, Quinn and Noah will take you off campus for lunch, and then for dinner we'll go to Breadstix as a family. We know how much you love it there."

"That's really not necessary," she said quietly. She felt the hand on her knee squeeze slightly and looked up into the eyes of everyone around her. She could see their happiness and how badly they wanted to do this for her.

"It's your birthday, we know you've never celebrated it before, but we're hoping to make up for that. So, up you go, go shower and get dressed and meet us downstairs for family breakfast," Russell encourage motioning everyone out of her room. The light pressure to her right didn't move as everyone else vacated the room.

"If anything gets to be too much for you today, just let me know. We'll escape if we need to," Quinn promised leaning into her so they were shoulder to shoulder.

"I don't understand why this is such a big deal. It's just another day," Santana said letting her head fall to Quinn's shoulder. It wasn't every day that she was able to be this affectionate with Quinn but today she needed it. Quinn smiled down at Santana letting her head fall gently against hers.

"It's not just another day, it's your day. Your birthday deserves to be special. Please just let us make it special for you, I promise you it'll be a good day and like I said, if it gets to be too much, just let me know and we'll escape," Quinn promised taking Santana's hand into her own. She ran her fingers over Santana's causing a slight laugh to erupt from the sensation.

"I should go shower," Santana said after a few minutes, realizing the Fabrays were probably waiting on her downstairs.

"I'll see you downstairs," with one final squeeze to her hand, the warmth disappeared from beside her. She watched Quinn walk out of her room, smiling as she looked back and sent her one final wink before disappearing down the hall.

Santana descended the stairs into the living room fresh from her shower dressed in a pair of black jeans and a white thermal. She had taken to wearing loose fitting clothes and darker colors. Judy had given her the freedom to pick out whatever made her comfortable and after searching through the entire girls section and coming up empty handed she had moved on to the guys sections were she quickly found plenty of clothes she loved.

Quinn had helped her find more clothes after she found out what type she was comfortable in. She had tried to stop the girl from buying her so much but Quinn brushed her off and continued on finding jeans and shirts she knew Santana would like. Santana did like them all, she didn't really know how Quinn did it, but she always picked things out that Santana wanted to wear.

Judy and Russell had given her a credit card after she had gotten settled in with them. They explained that it was something they gave to all of their children and she was free to use it as long as she stayed under the set limit he established for all of them. Santana had yet to even take the card out of her wallet, refusing to take any additional money from the Fabrays especially for something that she didn't need at all.

Noah was the first to notice her come downstairs and motioned for her to take the seat to his left. "Bout time, I was getting ready to eat without you," he joked giving her a smile when she sat next to him.

Santana laughed when she saw Charlotte reach over and give him a smack on the back of the head. "Be nice," she chastised. Noah rubbed at the back of his head and sent Santana an apologetic smile.

"You guys didn't have to wait for me," she told them, picking at the table cloth in front of her. She could feel everyone's eyes on her and just wanted to get to eating. She wasn't comfortable being the center of attention and was praying something would break the table of their focus.

"I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starving, let's eat." Her savior came from her left. She smiled at Quinn in thanks, feeling relieved as everyone started to dig in to the abundant amount of food on the table. Judy and Russell had gone all out, making everything Santana had remembered mentioning she liked in the past. She watched everyone pass around the pancakes, bacon, eggs, and bagels before she felt the slight nudge at her leg.

Quinn smiled at her and passed her the plate of pancakes. Santana piled two onto her plate, she could tell Judy made them and she knew they were going to be amazing.

Conversation around breakfast was light, everyone was more preoccupied with stuffing their mouth than talking about anything too important. When Santana was asked a question or directly talked to, she always felt that small warmth along her knee grounding her and making it easier to answer the entire family. She was definitely making progress, but she'd be nowhere if it weren't for Quinn.

Quinn and Noah had taken her to a small diner down the street from school for lunch. It was much less stressful for her with just the two of them. She was able to be more open and talkative with them. Noah and Quinn made Santana feel at ease and only brought up topics they knew would be easy for her to deal with.

Dinner was a completely different story, they were in a crowded restaurant surrounded by loud groups of people. Santana could feel her anxiety creeping up on her from the moment she sat down at the table. Russell and Judy had insisted she sit at the head of the table so she didn't have the security of Quinn right next to her this time.

She tried her hardest to pay attention to the conversation flowing around her table, she really did, but most of what she could hear was loud laughter and other table's conversations. The various voices seemed to be attacking her ears, no matter what she was did she couldn't get her focus to be solely on the Fabrays and what they were trying to say to her.

The voices around her started to get louder and louder, seemingly screaming right in her ear. She tried to look around to see who was screaming at her but all the faces seemed to blend together. She brought her hands up to cover her ears to attempt to block the loud shouting out but the noise penetrated right through it.

She could faintly hear her name being called but was unable to focus on who was calling her. The faces swarming around her faded in and out, passing by her periphery. She knew her anxiety was at an all-time high level. She tried to get her legs to move from underneath the table so she could get away but they weren't moving. She felt someone put a hand on her back but she was too far into her anxiety to let the comforting presence do anything for her.

She felt something wrap around her bicep and pull her up, the tug getting her legs working once again. She could still hear the screaming in her ears and she wasn't able to figure out who was pulling her arm, though she had a good idea who it was.

Before she knew it her back was against the brick on the outside of the restaurant and those hazel eyes were penetrating her vision again.

"..okay… going to be… breathe… to relax," she could heard Quinn talking to her but she was only able to understand every other word. The yelling had tapered off but her head was still swimming.

"It's okay, you're okay. Just try and take deep breaths," she heard every word that time, focusing her eyes on Quinn's mouth to see it move along with the words. Santana felt her anxiety beginning to leave her body and removed her hands from over her ears.

"What…" she trailed off, not really sure what she was going to ask.

"You needed an escape, I promised I'd give you one," Quinn answered with a small shrug and a warm smile. Even with her mind running faster than it ever should, Santana still couldn't hold back the smile that bubbled up in return.

The two girls stayed outside for the rest of the dinner, mindless chatter passing between them. When the rest of the Fabrays joined them outside with two take out containers they were all smiles and sent her looks letting her know that they weren't mad. She didn't know how they understood her so well, but it was glaringly obvious this family was very well in tune to what Santana needed.

The right side of her bed dipped down later that night while she was staring off into space trying to get ahold of her emotions from earlier. She looked over to see Quinn settling in next to her, pulling the blankets up over them. Quinn didn't give her any explanation, just turned onto her side and pulled Santana into her arms.

"Happy birthday," she heard whispered a few minutes later and for the first time all day, Santana may actually understand what it felt like to have a special day.


	7. Russell Fabray

Chores and housework were not something you did when you lived on the streets. You weren't concerned with cleaning the area around you when you had to worry about other more important things like finding your next meal or just how cold the temperature would drop overnight or whether or not she could potentially get accosted by someone on the streets that night.

Foster homes were typically overcrowded and full of kids with multiple behavioral issues. Because of this, chores were not enforced most of the time. The foster homes Santana lived in were typically run by drunks who were more concerned with how they were going to get their next bottle than with who was going to clean their house. The houses were typically messy and unorganized.

When Santana moved into the Fabray home, Russell and Judy had taken to treating her just like the rest of their children, assigning her a few chores that she needed to do around the house. Simple things like doing her laundry or washing the dishes after dinner a few nights a week. The first time Judy had mentioned that her laundry needed to be done, Santana insisted that she do it herself and from then on out, her laundry became one of her chores.

She sat in the laundry room for a good twenty minutes the first time she attempted to do her laundry, trying her hardest to figure out the machine she had loaded her clothes into. She had never operated a washing machine like this before and had no clue as to what she was doing. There were buttons and knobs and it all seemed foreign to her. She searched for a simple on switch, but it was definitely not that simple. Charlotte happened to walk by and stopped noticing how confused Santana looked. She took the time to explain the machines to Santana, helping her to get the load going and showing her how to turn the dryer on for when that was needed.

She had begun doing other things around the house without being asked, finding laundry and doing that or vacuuming and dusting the house when it appeared it needed to be done. She had taken to observing Judy when she was doing stuff around the house so she'd be able to mimic it later on. Noah liked to joke with her that she was making the rest of the kids look bad by going above and beyond what was expected of her while they did just what was asked of them.

Judy had tried to convince her to only do her assigned chores, but Santana insisted that she help out more than asked. They had given her so much already, this was the least she could do for them and she found that she really didn't mind doing the work. It helped her anxiety to keep busy and she was slowly building her confidence by feeling useful.

Santana found Russell in his study one afternoon while she was walking around the house collecting more laundry. She had been meaning to talk to him for some time now, but today was one of the first times in a while that it was just the two of them in the house. Noah and Quinn were both off at their part time jobs while Charlotte was in class and Judy was at work.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked timidly from the door, folding her arms over her chest. Russell smiled up at her and invited her into the study, motioning for her to take a seat across from him.

"You're not doing more laundry, are you?" he joked causing her to blush obviously observing the laundry basket she had dropped near the door when she entered his study.

"I'm just trying to keep busy and help out a little," Santana tried to explain.

"You help out plenty around here, Santana. You're the only one that really helps out around here. We appreciate it, but it's really not necessary. I hope you do know that," he told her, shuffling the papers around his desk. "Anyway, what was it you wanted to ask me?"

"I want to work," she said simply, not looking him in the eye. She still had a lot of issues with eye contact but Quinn had started forcing her to look her in the eyes when they talked. If she wasn't looking in her eyes, Quinn pretended she couldn't hear what she was saying or wouldn't answer her until she did. It was hard at first but the more she did it, the more comfortable she grew with it. It was a lot easier with people her age, she still felt intimidated when talking to Judy and Russell. Authority had always been hard for her to handle.

"Isn't that what you do around here?" he was confused by her request, they had literally just talked about how much work she was doing around the house.

"Well, yes, but I mean outside of the house. You and Judy give me money every week that I don't feel like I earn. Quinn and Noah both have part time jobs, I think I should get one too," she told him, feeling surer of herself as she sat there with him. When he didn't react negatively, her fear had started to diminish. She knew it should always be that way, there was nothing about Russell that had ever indicated he would react badly to anything she said, it was just something she was still getting used to.

Russell looked at her for a minute, trying to gauge how serious she was about this. He could see her progress very easily. He could see her confidence growing and over the time she had been in his home, she had become a completely different girl than the one that walked into his office four months ago. He knew she still had a long way to go, she still had her bad days where no one could get to her, but those were coming few and far between at this point. She still had her struggles with school and was still fighting her inner demons, but she's changing right in front of his eyes and he couldn't be prouder.

"Would you like to go for a ride with me?" Russell asked putting his papers aside. He knew Santana was beginning to really open up with her therapist as well as with his youngest daughter so he thought she deserved to know a little bit more about his past and why he did what he did for a living.

"Oh, um, okay," she replied shocked that he seemingly changed the topic out of the blue. "Let me just put this in the laundry room." Santana stood from her seat, grabbing the basket she had filled with dirty clothes and left the room to drop it off.

Santana wasn't positive what Russell was going to show her. She had a good relationship with him, but she didn't typically spend that much one on one time with him. Most of her one on one time was spent with Quinn, who had become her support system in every way.

Russell met her in the hallway outside of the laundry room, leading her out of the house. She climbed into the passenger seat of his mini-van and buckled up, smiling when he put on the country station she had grown to love.

"Do you remember when I told you that you and I had more in common than you would ever think?" he asked breaking her out of the small trance she was in. She had lost herself slightly in the song that was playing over the radio.

"Yeah," she answered hoping he would finally explain what he had hinted at all those months ago. It had never left her mind but she never questioned him further. It wasn't like her to push issues with people, if they were going to talk to her about something, they would do it on her own time. Out of all of her character traits, patience seemed to be one of the most well developed.

Santana looked at the window as she waited for him to further explain himself. They were passing through the suburbs heading back to a familiar area of town for her. She hadn't set foot into this part of town in four months and just seeing the familiar landscape fly by caused her anxiety to start up again.

Quinn had always made a point to drive around this area of town, having heard enough from Santana to know she was not interested in returning to it. The had many times found themselves taking a considerably longer route to their destination just to avoid these few blocks, something Santana was very thankful for.

She had done so much to try to forget the feeling of these streets that was quickly returning to her in full force as they drove closer to the downtown area she had called home for nearly two years. She tried to block out the ache that panged in her chest seeing the places she had wandered the streets searching for food.

She remembered the feeling of being hungry all the time, never knowing where her next meal was going to come from. She looked down at herself, happy at what she saw for a change. When she was on the streets, she was always so skinny. She used to be able to feel her ribs without even pressing down on her chest, now she thought she looked healthy. She had gained a small amount of weight since she moved in with the Fabrays, and never once felt hungry anymore.

Little things like a stocked fridge were completely normal to most people, but to Santana seeing the fridge completely full every time she opened it was something she took as a blessing. She heard Noah and Charlotte complain sometimes about what was in the fridge or how there was nothing to eat and she had to shake her head at that. They would never know what it meant to really not have anything to eat and that was something she would never wish on anyone.

She tried to forget how cold she used to get.

She remembered the feeling of being cold all the way down to her bones. She remembered shivering as she curled herself into the tightest ball possible to get even a little warmth. She recalled the tattered sweater that had become her lifeline, it had long since been thrown away along with the rest of her clothes she had been wearing when she walked into Russell's office. She looked down at herself again, smiling as she saw the warm jacket Judy had brought home for her the first week she had lived with them. It was by far the warmest article of clothing she owned now and she found herself wearing it often, even if just to help her mentally forget she didn't have to worry about shivering to death anymore.

"It's time I explain a little more for you," he said pulling onto a small side street not far from where Santana spent a good portion of her last two years. He pulled in front of a small run down house that appeared to be abandoned and turned the car off. The sudden loss of music put Santana slightly on edge. She wasn't use to the quiet that encompassed the car and didn't really know what to do to eliminate it.

"I grew up in there," he said pointing to the house causing a confused look to overtake Santana's face. He told her before that he moved to Lima from Los Angeles. Sensing her confusion he continued on. "I moved to LA for college, met Judy, and got married out there. She's a native Californian, through and through." He followed that with a light laugh, seemingly lost in memories. Santana let him run it through in his mind, noticing the smile he had at what she could only assume is fond memories.

"My mom died when I was ten. My dad never told me what happened to her, she was just gone one day when I came home from school. Later on I found out she had a pretty severe heart attack and died almost instantly," he started, staring out to the house that must have held so many memories for him. He started to fiddle with his wedding band, Santana noted it was the first time she had ever seen him show any sign of weakness or vulnerability.

"My dad was the kind of guy that hated kids, I never could understand why he had three of his own. He wasn't fit to be a parent, he barely knew how to take care of himself," his voice took on a sadder tone and his previous smile had completely vanished from his face. Santana knew he wasn't remembering the happy times of his past anymore.

"When my mother died, he expected that we would just start taking care of ourselves. I was the oldest, my little sister, Amy, was seven and my brother, Ryan, was five so he expected the most from me. When one of us did something wrong, even if it was the most insignificant thing in the world, he would hit us. It started small, a slap here or there when we were out of line, but it got worse," he stopped taking a deep breath. Santana could see him struggle with the rest of the story, but she could also see the determination he had to get through the rest of it.

"Ryan was so little for his age, he never stood a chance against my dad," Santana could have sworn she heard a crack in his voice but she would never mention it. Her heart was hurting so badly for the man that had become the only real father figure she ever had. "I thought he had killed him. He wasn't moving, he just laid there on the ground covered in bruises and blood. All over a small cup of water he spilled on the floor."

Russell didn't need to continue talking about the incident for Santana to know exactly what had happened. She had been in that situation, she had been the one left bruised and broken before. As he talked Santana started to feel the pressure return to her chest she always felt when she remembered the beating she had taken.

"I was young, I didn't know what the right thing to do was. We lied to teachers and neighbors who tried to question us. We lied to ourselves about how bad it had gotten, but not after that. After he nearly killed Ryan, I made sure everyone who could hear me heard what my father did," the pride in his voice was evident. He may not have been able to stop his dad from hurting Ryan the first time, but he stopping him from ever doing it again.

"We were taken out of his care and sent to live with my aunt. It wasn't ideal at all, but it was safe. Ryan recovered eventually, but he was never the same. You'll meet him one day, he usually stops by around Easter with his husband," Santana couldn't hide the surprise on her face even if she wanted to. She had started to get exposed to culture and society since she moved into the Fabray home and knew that what Russell just said was a taboo topic for some people. Russell said it like it was completely normal, and Santana could tell it was just one more thing that Russell completely understood and accepted. She started to doubt this man had any flaws.

"I vowed from that day on, I would do whatever I could to help anyone that was in similar situations. I would offer money, shelter, food, protection, anything they needed to get themselves away from something like that. When the opportunity arose to go to California and study social work, I jumped on it as fast as I could and never looked back. I can't solve all of the problems of the world now, but I am proud to say I have helped save some lives and got two amazing children out of it," his voice was resolute as his finished his sentence. Santana could feel the tears welling up under her eyes before he finished, but they immediately began to fall when he called her one of his children.

"I see the same drive in you that I have routed deep within me. It's completely up to you, but I think you would love to do some volunteer work with me at my office. The best workers we ever get are the ones that can be sympathetic to the people that need our help and I don't know of anyone who would be capable of more compassion and understanding than you. I'll pay you for the hours you do, if that's what you decide you want," Russell explained knowing Santana wouldn't turn down the opportunity. He saw a lot of himself in the quiet girl next to him. He knew she would flourish doing this work and wanted nothing more than to give her this chance.

Santana looked up at Russell and saw how serious he was about this. She had never thought about something like that before, but as the idea rolled around in her head, she knew it was right for her. If she could save people from ever going through what she went through or give them the opportunity to get out like Russell had gave her, she would do it in a heartbeat. Even if the job just meant doing busy work in the office, it would give her a chance to be exposed to it and see other people get saved.

"I would love to," she answered causing Russell to find his smile once again. He knew it was going to be perfect for her and would help her continue to grow and develop.

"School still comes first but I'll set you up with a few shifts a week. If your school work suffers because of it we'll cut your hours down," he warned knowing she was still have some issues with her classes. She was working closely with her teachers and Quinn to get her grades up, but it still was a battle for her.

"Okay," she said simply, knowing she would have to put more effort in with her school work and divide up her time more efficiently, but she was determined to do it.

Santana didn't know really know why, but she had a really strong feeling Russell's offer was going to change her life once again. She smiled and sang along with one of her favorite songs quietly on the way home, looking forward to her first day of work.


	8. Drive Past Those Old Memories

One of the most special moments of a teenager's life is typically the day they turn 16 and have the chance to get behind the wheel of a car for the first time. It's the first in the line of 'big' birthdays and represents the first chance at freedom a teenager has. All of the Fabray children got cars after they passed their driving test. When the topic got brought up to Santana about driving, she quickly changed the subject.

She changed the subject when Judy mentioned her needing an ID and suggesting they just get her a license. She changed the subject when Noah mentioned wanting to see her behind the wheel of his oversized pick up. She changed the subject when Charlotte offered to take her out for a drive. Quinn quietly observed Santana's brush off of everyone, plotting exactly what she wanted to do about it.

"We're going for a drive, let's go," Quinn pulled Santana from her desk chair not giving her any options. They had been studying for a history test they both had coming up and Quinn was getting restless. She needed to get Santana out of the house and behind the wheel.

"Okay," Santana answered following behind her, not that Quinn gave her much of a choice.

Quinn grabbed her keys as they headed outside, climbing into her Lexus that was her pride and joy. Santana climbed into her the passenger seat, immediately changing the channel on the radio to her station. Quinn took off quickly, heading in the direction of some small side streets.

"Want to tell me where we're going?" Santana asked, not able to tell where they were going.

"We're driving," Quinn answered simply, still not really explaining why she had pulled the girl out of the house in the middle of their study session. Quinn usually took their study sessions very seriously, making sure Santana stayed as focused as possible.

"You're being suspicious," Santana remarked quietly, not sure if she was being mean or not. She wasn't trying to insult Quinn and she hoped Quinn wouldn't take it that way.

"I'm just driving, nothing suspicious about that," Quinn had a smirk on her face that told Santana she was blatantly lying. Before Santana could question her further, Quinn pulled to a stop in an empty parking lot.

"You're not taking me here to kill me, are you? I've survived a lot so far, it would be really unfortunate to die like this," Santana joked. They had developed a really comfortable relationship over the five months they'd lived together. Santana was comfortable joking with Quinn, something she'd never done before with anyone.

Quinn laughed lightly, shaking her head no and getting out of the car without another word. Santana watched her walk around to the passenger side of the car. She opened the door and reached over to unbuckle her seat belt. Santana was stuck still, watching every movement as Quinn's arm grazed her thighs. Santana wanted to comment, wanted to say something, but the words were completely lost to her. Those familiar butterflies Quinn always seemed to give her returned at full force. She felt a rush of warmth spread throughout her body but it wasn't the familiar warmth she could normally equate to Quinn. This was different, this was stronger, more intense than anything else she remembered feeling.

Quinn stopped with her hand over Santana and looked up at her, her eyes darker than anything Santana had seen on her before. Both girls stopped and looked at each other, enjoying the feeling they were giving each other. Quinn's hand slipped from the buckle, jolting both of them out the gaze they were stuck in. Quinn pulled back, causing the warmth to dissipate from Santana's body. The seat belt passed over her, making her break eye contact to remove it from her lap.

Quinn backed out of the car, offering Santana her hand to get her to come out of the car. She walked her around to the other side, opening the driver's door and ushered her back into the car, closing the door before she could protest. Quinn walked quickly around to the other side of the car, but Santana was lost to what she was doing.

Her hands shook as she looked down at the steering wheel in front of her. The comfortable car that usually was a safe haven for Santana suddenly made her feel very claustrophobic. She wanted out, she wanted to get away from this right now. She wasn't supposed to be driving, Quinn did that, and it should stay that way. She felt Quinn take her shaking hand into her own, effectively calming the fear she felt for the moment.

"I wouldn't put you in that seat if I didn't believe you could do this. We're in an empty parking lot, it's just me and you, and you can go as slow as you want, but you can do this and you will. I believe in you," she reassured, keeping her hand in her grasp. Santana didn't dare take her hand away for fear that the suffocating feeling of being crushed in the car returned.

"I thought you weren't taking me out here to kill me," Santana mumbled under her breath, still terrified of doing this. She didn't think she was ready for this at all, but Quinn's faith in her was written all over her face and it gave her some hope that she could do this.

"I believe in you," she reiterated, her voice strong and full of conviction.

Santana took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves that were running rampant in her body. She nodded her head, looking back into Quinn's eyes. She was doing this for her and she hoped she could convey that in one simple look. Quinn smiled seemingly getting the message. It amazed Santana how much words were unnecessary sometimes for the two girls. She was starting to really be able to read Quinn and what her looks meant and she knew Quinn had her figured out a while ago.

"First things first, seat belt," Quinn told her reaching back to buckle her own. The goose bumps that erupted over her body at the thought of Quinn's arm flaked over her earlier were relentless, she only hoped Quinn didn't notice them. If she was privy to the bumps showing up on Santana's skin, Quinn didn't let on. Instead, she gave her hand one final squeeze and started to instruct her on what she needed to do.

The first few minutes were brutal for both girls in the car. Santana felt like she was going to kill herself and Quinn and couldn't quite figure out the brake while Quinn nearly knocked her head off the dashboard when Santana pressed on the brakes too suddenly. Quinn just shook it off, keeping her same calm and collected attitude as she tried to ease the worry radiating off of Santana.

Santana, on the other hand, was anything but calm and collected. She was one large ball of nerves and anxiety driving a very expensive, very prized car.

"Stop for a minute," Quinn said and tried to inconspicuously brace herself for the jolt she expected and received when Santana once again put too much pressure on the brakes. She put the car into park and took Santana's hands in her own, forcing her to look at her. "You need to start breathing. I promise this will get easier if you just take a deep breath and start believing that you can do this. Do you understand how insignificant this is? Look at everything you've overcome in your life, everything you've dealt with and adjusted to and lived through. Are you really going to let something as small as driving a car beat you?"

Something changed in Santana at Quinn's words. She had never heard it said like that before. She never really thought of herself as strong for surviving everything she did, she honestly thought she was pretty weak for being in that position in the first place. She never felt strong when she felt lost and starving wandering the streets. She never felt strong when she had to beg and plead for scraps of food that usually were not given to her. She never felt strong.

But Quinn, Quinn with her warm hazel eyes and her grounding smile, made her feel strong. Quinn made her feel invincible. Quinn made her feel like she was worth something. Quinn made her feel.

"I can do this," Santana said, trying to make herself believe. It was quiet and underwhelming, but it was there. She spoke the words out loud. She believed.

"Yes you can," Quinn agreed giving her hands a firm squeeze before letting go. "Now, put this thing in drive and show me."

And Santana did just that. It was still bumpy and she was a while away from being ready to be on the road, but she did it. Santana drove around the parking lot for a good hour, feeling more at ease as she went on. After some time her and Quinn bantered back and forth. It was a normal thing for them, but for right now it kept Santana completely calm.

Santana pulled to a stop after the hour, killing the ignition and looking over to Quinn who gave her all of her attention.

"I want to show you something," she said quietly, starting to get nervous for what she was about to request. She knew Quinn would go along with it, and she knew she was ready, but it was still a huge step for her.

"Of course, anything," Quinn reassured definitely curious as to what Santana was going to share with her. Santana climbed out of the car and motioned for Quinn to do the same, making them switch seats once again.

"Drive downtown," she instructed once Quinn was back in the car. She'd only been back downtown once and that was with Russell a month ago, but today was for a different reason. She had opened up to Quinn about a lot of her past, mostly explaining her foster homes and the experiences she remembered from that. She hadn't been able to open up much about the two years she spent living on the streets and she was ready to do that.

Santana grew more nervous as they got closer to the once familiar area for her. She still couldn't shake the feeling of being trapped there and the painful memories that bombarded her when the few block she had called home for two years came into view. For a change, Santana reached out and took Quinn's hand that was not on the wheel. It was almost always Quinn initiated any sort of contact, but right now Santana needed it and she was going to get it. She directed Quinn through a few streets, the pictures of her past playing in her mind as they went.

"Stop up there," she said pointing to a small corner street with an alley right next to it. Quinn drove right up to it, parking diagonal to the alley. She turned the ignition off and turned to Santana, waiting for whatever it was she wanted to share with her.

Santana looked right at Quinn, trying to pull herself from her past to help get this story out. The familiar hazel eyes grounded her, bringing her back to the present and freeing her mind so she could talk. She couldn't believe the affect two beautiful eyes could have on her, but it was always instantaneous and reliable and she was sure Quinn knew that.

"I spent a lot of nights in there," she said pointing to the alley, noticing the familiar dumpter was still in the same spot along with the piled up old boxes Santana had once used to protect herself from rain. "The shelters didn't always have room so I was turned away sometimes. Other times, they'd offer their floor to me so I could stay warm at night, but it was illegal and it wasn't often they let me."

Quinn gave Santana's hand a tight squeeze but didn't interrupt, knowing it was really hard for her to get this out. Santana paused slightly, trying her hardest to gather her thoughts. She took a deep breath and pinpointed in her mind what she was trying to get across.

"There's a small diner on the other side of the street. They dump their trash in that bin," she told her pointing to the dumpster along the wall. The shame was very evident in her voice which cracked slightly with the emotion. If Quinn noticed she gave no indication, instead she kept those penetrating hazel eyes on Santana. She didn't want to keep talking, she didn't want to admit she had to resort to digging through the trash just to get enough food to hold herself over for a few days. "When you go days with no food and don't see any options to get any, you do anything you can, including going through the trash. Sometimes I'd get so sick from what I found in there that I thought I was going to die, but I didn't really have a choice, I had to eat somewhere."

Santana broke her gaze from Quinn in the middle of her speech when she felt her eyes well up with tears. She didn't understand the shame of the position she was in previously until she was able to look back on it and see just how bad things had gotten. All she ever knew was being unloved and uncared for, living with the Fabrays had showed her what it meant to be loved and what true compassion is. She didn't realize what she was going through was so horrendous until she was removed for it and shown what it meant to really be alive.

She tried to find another topic to move onto, not wanting to continue on about where she was desperate enough to look for food. It was just embarrassing to her now and even if Quinn never judged her for it, she judged herself.

"At my last foster home the parents were coke addicts that took kids in to get the check for more drugs. I was older so I knew how to get away and avoid them, but they use to shoot up right in front of some of the younger kids. My last night there my foster dad tried making me shoot up, he said it would make me more normal. He was always telling me that I wasn't normal, that something must have been seriously wrong with me. I tried so hard to ignore him, to just stay in my room and shut down so I could ignore whatever was going on under that roof. I couldn't ignore it that night, not with that needle so close to my arm. I ran, I got away from there as fast as I could. I knew they'd just place me in another horrible home if I went back to my case worker so I ended up on the streets. I spent my first night sitting against that brick wall over there, praying that I could just die, hoping that someone would come along and end my misery. I prayed for that same thing for two years, and then your family came along and took it all away."

Santana stared at the brick wall in the distance, remembering how the rough jagged edges dug into her back as she cried all night long. She didn't shed many years after that first night, she knew they were pointless and only made her feel more vulnerable, but that first night she couldn't get them to stop. She couldn't remember if she was crying because of everything she had lost, or crying because she realized she never really even had anything to lose in the first place.

"Drive down that street over there," Santana instructed pointing to a street across the way. She knew she was jumping around but she was trying to catch the less painful memories as they came and share them with Quinn. Quinn did as she was asked, never once letting go of Santana's hand. She needed to feel her hand as much as Santana needed the comfort it brought. She stopped when directed and noticed they were in front of an old warehouse that didn't appear to be in use anymore. The windows were all boarded up and the door looked to have a decent sized padlock on it.

"I used to go in here to get out of the rain and snow. It wasn't always boarded up like this. People were selling drugs out of it and coming here to shoot up so the police raided it one day. I was inside ten minutes before it got raided, I just stepped outside to see if I could find some food and came back to cop cars all over the place. They saw me and tried to question me but I didn't have any track marks or show any signs of being high so they told me to go home. They didn't even check to make sure I had one, didn't attempt to call my parents to make sure I was in good hands, they just passed me off and forgot about me, just like everyone else," Santana recalled.

She moved to get out of the car after that, Quinn quickly following when she realized what she was doing. She walked right up to the side of the building and ran her hands over the rough exterior, the simple touch bringing back more memories.

"I thought that was the end for me. I didn't have anywhere to go to get out of the weather anymore. The one place I even felt remotely safe was gone. During the next snow storm I tried my hardest to get to the shelters early so I could get a bed, but I didn't always make it. I spent a few nights right over there, huddled into the tightest ball I could get into. I didn't have any blankets or jackets or anything to keep warm. One of the police officers who was coming back to check on the building found me the morning after they boarded this up almost dead. He brought me to the hospital where they treated me as little as possible because I had no money. I refused to give them my name or any information and lied about my age so they had to release me," Santana remembered one particularly kind nurse that tried so hard to get her to open up, but by that point Santana was so closed off and guarded she was a lost cause.

She wished she could go back and thank that nurse for showing her compassion. She knew the woman was going above and beyond what was expected of her with the way she took care of Santana that night and she'd be forever grateful. She put the thought into the back of her mind to see if she could try to find that nurse again and thank her.

"You really are the strongest person I've ever met," Quinn whispered out, awestruck at the information she was hearing from Santana. She used to complain if her dad left the air conditioning on too high and she had to put a sweatshirt on and here is this girl telling her she survived snow storms and torrential storms all the while living on the streets and spending her days searching for food. "I wouldn't have made it if I were in your shoes," she admitted pulling Santana close to her. She wasn't sure who needed the comforting right now.

"I don't believe that for one second. You're really strong, a lot stronger than you think. Look at it this way, over the last five months, not only did you give yourself strength but you gave me practically all of the strength I possessed. I was at the end of my line when I came to your dad, but you kept pulling me back. You were strong for both of us," Santana told her truthfully enjoying the close proximity of Quinn. Just having her close made Santana forget where she was and why she was here.

"I think you're the one that's much stronger than they think. You're inspiring, and I can only hope one day you really see that," Quinn said simply, hugging Santana to her side. They sat in front of that warehouse for almost another hour, with Santana telling various other stories about the two years she spent on the streets and Quinn listening and comforting whenever needed. They grew closer that day, Santana had finally let Quinn all the way in and shared her most vulnerable moments with her and both girls felt the shift that came along with that as they were driving back to the Fabray house much later that night.

Neither could put their finger on what that shift meant or what exactly it was going to change for them, but neither really cared either. They had come so far and changed so much together already, they knew they were ready for whatever else was going to change for them.


	9. Every Day

_I don't usually do this and I typically find it frustrating when other authors do so I'm apologizing in advance, but I wanted to give a special shout out to Steph who has to deal with me as I write these chapters. She gets rough versions all the time and answers all my questions and helps me get the finished product that's delivered to you. She's my unofficial beta that always finds the mistakes I overlook and makes sense of my ramblings and helps me put them into actual sentences._

* * *

Talent comes in all shapes and sizes. It's not something that can be easily defined and is just as unique as each person is. Santana learned very quickly how different talent could be. She looked around in the choir room observing just how much talent was in the room.

Mike Chang was probably the best dancer she had ever seen but then she looked over at Brittany Pierce and changed her mind. They were both so talented. It didn't take much to see their chemistry when they danced. They knew each other so well and knew how to move in perfect sync. She caught herself watching them dance all the time, envious that she didn't have that particular talent. Sure, she could move, but they were doing so much more than moving and Santana loved it.

Sam Evans was a genius on the guitar, playing new melodies from memory that most people couldn't play with months of practice. Santana didn't know much about musical instruments, she actually knew next to nothing about them, even still she could tell that he was truly gifted. He had attempted to show her once, but she quickly declared herself a lost cause and settled on watching and listening to him jam with the rest of the group.

She didn't particularly like much about Finn Hudson, but she had to admit he was talented when it came to the drums. When she first saw him playing she thought he was having a seizure at the drums and it definitely didn't look very graceful, but he made good music either way. He was different than most in the glee club because he was cocky about his talent and thought everyone should love him for it. There was a reason Santana didn't particularly like him.

Tina Cohen-Chang and Artie Abrams had amazing voices, but they were much underused, she observed. She had heard them singing to each other many times and knew they were capable of having solos for themselves, but they were always left out of the consideration. Santana liked to classify them as untapped talent while still hoping that would change someday.

Kurt Hummel was multi-talented, as she liked to call him. Santana didn't know much about fashion or what was appropriate or not, but she did know that the boy knew what he was talking about when he suggested a few subtle changes for her wardrobe. His voice was unique to her as well, she'd never heard someone sing like this before and doubted she'd ever hear another quite like it

Mercedes Jones was the same way. She had the remarkable fashion sense and the unique voice. Hers differed the most because of the power she had behind it. Mercedes could belt out a note on one side of the school and Santana was pretty sure someone would hear it on the other side.

Then there was Rachel Berry, the girl that oozed talent from her pores. If someone was really forced to give a definitive definition to the word talented, they need to start with Rachel. She barely even had to open her mouth for everyone around her to be privy to the amazing show she put on. Santana could tell Rachel was destined for things much bigger than Lima.

Quinn Fabray took the cake when it came to talent, though Santana might be slightly biased. There wasn't an instrument that Santana knew of that Quinn couldn't play. She had once said that she just kind of picked them up and messed around for a little bit with it and before long she knew how to play it, with or without sheet music accompanying her. She had been lucky enough to see Quinn play most of her instruments as well.

Some might say that Santana took a special interest in talent, when in reality she was just trying to find her own. All of the Fabray children were talented. Quinn with all of her musical abilities and impressively quick wit. Noah was musically gifted as well, he played guitar almost as good as Quinn and was also a very talented football player. Santana didn't know the first thing about the sport, but she had seen him catch a lot of passes and score a lot of touchdowns so she knew he was better than mostly everyone else on the team. Charlotte was a writer and a very gifted one at that. She had a few works already publish and although they were very low scale and not mass produced like a bestseller, it still was that one that Charlotte was exceptional at.

Her family was talented, her friends were talented, she didn't want to be completely left out like with every other situation in her life. It seemed selfish to her, but she didn't want to feel different anymore. She wanted to fit in, she wanted to be talented like everyone else. She just didn't know if she was.

Rachel had sat next to her one day in glee and struck up a conversation. It was usual for the girl to bounce around between people to interact with them. She tried her hardest to be friends with everyone and ensure everyone was having fun while in glee.

"You should sing a duet with me," she said randomly confusing Santana. They had just been talking about some play that was being performed in town, well Rachel was talking about it, Santana was listening intently. She was much better with talking to people now but Rachel could be hard to keep up with and she wasn't really the expert Rachel was when it came to plays.

"I don't sing," she answered simply with a small shrug and that was the truth. Santana may sing along quietly in the car every once and a while, but never loud enough for anyone to hear her. Quinn had asked her a few times to get a little louder when they were in the car but Santana always kept quiet. She didn't want to make a fool of herself if she couldn't sing well like Quinn could.

"You're in glee club," Rachel pointed out, gesturing to the room around them. Santana took a minute to gather where everyone was, something she had taken to doing when she was in large groups. It helped her anxiety when she was surrounded by people to know who they were, and the general idea as to what they were doing. Her eyes locked on Quinn's, who was having a conversation with Mike. She smiled when she realized Quinn's eyes went back and forth between her conversation and Santana, checking to make sure she was okay.

"I know, but I don't sing. I'm just happy to be in the background," she said turning back to address Rachel directly. It wasn't necessarily the truth, but she wasn't comfortable enough with Rachel to talk about her insecurities.

"I think there's talent hidden in there just dying to get out. I could help you, you know, I'm a very good teacher," Rachel offered playing right into one of Santana's biggest insecurities. The word talent seemed to ring in Santana's ears. She could tell Rachel was still talking to her, but the only thing she could hear right now was the one simple word. Rachel seemed oblivious to Santana's struggle so she kept on talking, rattling off song ideas that were falling on deaf ears.

Santana could feel her anxiety creeping up and was doing anything she could to keep it down. She didn't want to have a meltdown in front of all of her friends. She had remained relatively normal around the kids in school and didn't want that to change anytime soon. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to stop it this time, it was hitting her really hard.

Rachel didn't seem to notice a difference in Santana's appearance so she continued talking, but there was someone who noticed the distress the girl was under. Quinn made her way over to Santana, taking the chair that was next to her and scooting it until it touched the edge of Santana's and sat in it immediately taking Santana's hand in her own.

Santana felt the warmth right away and felt the anxiety leave her body. She didn't have to look to her right to see who had taken the seat next to her and taken her hand. There was only one person that ever had that specific effect on her. She didn't turn to Quinn to acknowledge her, but rather gave her hand a firm squeeze and laced their fingers before tuning back into the conversation Rachel was having with her.

"I'm not entirely sure what your range is so maybe we'd have to stick to something simple and middle ranged until we got to test your voice," Rachel finished, giving Santana an idea as to what she was talking about.

"You should ask someone else, I'm not a singer," Santana said feeling bad that she was turning Rachel down. She didn't like disappointing people, no, she actually hated it. It was a feeling she felt pretty much her entire life and now she had once again caused someone to be disappointed in her. She wished she didn't have to, but there was no way she was singing. That was about ten levels out of her comfort zone and she was trying to stay within that so she could get ahold of her anxiety.

Rachel seemed determined to still get a different answer out of Santana, but she moved on for now. Santana knew the topic was far from over, but she'd take the brief reprieve given to her. She sat further back in her chair, now facing the front as she watched Rachel make her way over to Sam, now trying to convince him to duet with her. He seemed more receptive to the idea which made the normally bubbly girl even happier.

"You could always duet with me," Quinn tried to encourage letting her shoulder bump into Santana's to nudge the girl slightly. The simple movement made Santana smile which she assumed was the reaction Quinn was hoping to get from her. She knew Quinn was only being partially serious, they had talked many times before about singing and about how uncomfortable Santana was with the idea.

What they hadn't talked about was the unyielding need Santana felt about finding something she was good at. Quinn didn't know that Santana was striving to find something to help her fit in with everyone else. It just might be the only thing about Santana that Quinn was completely ignorant to.

"I don't think so," Santana answered back, bumping her shoulder right back. Instead of moving away, she left her shoulder slightly in Quinn's personal space so when she adjusted back after the hit their shoulders were touching. Santana noticed the smile on Quinn's face and knew she wouldn't be moving until she absolutely needed to. Quinn always seemed to have that particular smile on her face when Santana initiated contact between the two of them.

"Worth a try," Quinn shrugged it off, not wanting to keep pushing Santana especially considering the reaction she just had to Rachel.

After glee Quinn drove the girls home, Santana had been driving a little more in the last month, but she still wasn't completely comfortable with it. Quinn made her drive to and from school once a week and had set up an appointment for Santana to take the test to get her leaner's permit. When they got home, Santana locked herself in her room and began to search her laptop. She needed something very specific and she was determined to find it.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Santana asked Quinn a little over an hour later as she stood in her doorway with a piece of paper folded up in her hands. Quinn nodded and motioned for Santana to come in. She had told Santana many times that she didn't need to ask permission to come into her room or even to talk to her. Quinn tried to encourage Santana to be as open and comfortable around her as possible. Most days Santana remembered and didn't ask, but today she was on edge already with what she was about to ask so it completely skipped her mind.

"Sit," Quinn instructed patting the spot on the bed next to where she was sitting with her legs folded up under her. She had been surfing the internet for something to keep herself occupied but quickly shut it and pushed it away from her when Santana came into her room. She could tell from Santana's demeanor that this wasn't going to be a simple boring conversation.

"Do you think you could play this on your acoustic?" Santana asked handing Quinn the piece of paper in her hand. It was sheet music to a song that Quinn couldn't recall. What struck Quinn as really strange was the fact that none of the words on the sheet. She figured there was a reason for that and didn't push Santana to tell her.

"Of course, I can get it down in an hour, tops," she promised reaching over to grab the acoustic guitar that sat right next to her bed. Santana knew it was her favorite one that she always kept close by. The other guitars she owned were down in the basement in their game room.

"Okay, I'm going to go and let you do that, I'll be back in like an hour," Santana told her, getting off the bed and walking out the door. She knew she was leaving behind a confused Quinn but it would hopefully be worth it in the end.

When Santana returned an hour later, she stayed right outside the door and listened to Quinn play the song through once. After she heard how well the girl had it down, she made her way inside, not asking for permission this time. Quinn looked up at her from her perch on the bed and smiled. Santana needed that smile right now more than she could ever explain. What she was about to do was so far out of her comfort level she wasn't positive she was going to be able to handle it.

"I want to try something, but you have to promise me you'll give me your honest opinion," Santana started standing in front of Quinn's bed. Quinn put the guitar down and scooted forward so she could reach Santana.

"Of course," Quinn reassured, taking Santana's hand in her own. She wasn't sure what Santana was doing, but she could tell she needed some comfort.

"I don't know if I'm any good at this, I'm actually almost positive I'm horrible at it, but I want to do this for you. I thought maybe if you think I'm okay I'd be able to sing in glee, but I won't do it until you tell me that I should," Santana told her. Quinn had really become her security blanket and it showed right here. She wouldn't do something this big without getting Quinn's approval and she wasn't sure she cared what anyone else thought if Quinn thought it was good.

"Okay, so I'm guessing this is the song you'll be singing? How come there are no lyrics on the paper?" Quinn asked motioning to the sheet music and guitar behind her on the bed.

"I want this to be a surprise for you. It's not just a song, it's everything that I can't say to you. It's the words I wish I could come up with on my own to tell you how much you mean to me," Santana explained getting more nervous. She knew this could go really horribly but all she wanted was to have a way to thank Quinn for everything she had done for her. This song didn't feel like nearly enough, but it was better than the words she had ever come up with.

Quinn nodded and reached back for her guitar, knowing she might cry if she talked right now. Santana saw Quinn steel herself slightly and couldn't read the emotions on her face. Santana took a deep breath and tried to remember the words she had spent hours memorizing. She had them down only an hour ago and now suddenly she was drawing a blank. She had expected something like this to happen so she reached into her pocket and pulled the sheet music out that had the lyrics written on them.

"Ready?" Quinn asked in a quiet voice to which Santana nodded. She took another deep breath and listened for her intro.

_"You could've bowed out gracefully, but you didn't  
You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone, but you wouldn't, _

_I drive myself crazy tryin' to stay out of my own way, _

_The messes that I make, but my secrets are so safe._

_The only one who gets me. Yeah, you get me, It's amazing to me_

_How every day, every day, every day, you save my life_

_I come around all broken down and crowded out and you're comfort_  
_Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate_  
_I don't know, I don't know_  
_Sometimes I swear, I don't know if I'm comin' or goin'_  
_But you always say something without even knowin'_  
_That I'm hangin' on to your words_  
_With all of my might and it's alright_  
_Yeah, I'm alright for one more night-_  
_Every day you save me, you save me."_

Santana finished the song and looked up at Quinn, her heart dropping when she saw tears falling from her eyes. She automatically assumed Quinn hated the song and she sounded horrible so she tried to get out of the room, but Quinn predicted this move and got up to grab her into a tight hug. Santana felt herself melt into the hug, knowing she had misread the tears.

"Thank you," Quinn said with a voice full of emotion. Santana didn't need to ask if her voice was any good, Quinn's reaction answered that for her loud and clear. She saw the pride and amazement in Quinn's eyes as she was pulling her into the hug. She knew she had done well, for a change.

Santana could have sworn she felt Quinn place a small kiss against the side of her head, but she could have been wrong. The girls stayed like that for almost ten minutes, just holding onto each other and enjoying the feeling of being that close. Quinn was the first one to pull away, but it was only slightly.

Instead of speaking Quinn pulled Santana over to her bed and directed her onto the left side of the bed. Quinn walked around to the right side of the bed and slid in as well, pulling the covers over both of them and pulling Santana into her arms so her head sat just slightly under Quinn's chin. Quinn's arms ran up and down Santana's back in a slow soothing pattern. Santana wrapped her arms around Quinn's middle and rested them against her back, feeling perfectly content in that moment. She couldn't feel any anxiety or worry or pressure. All she felt was the soothing hands on her back and all she heard was the slow steady heartbeat of the girl that was stealing hers very quickly.

"I'll do the duet in glee, but I won't do it with Rachel. It has to be you," Santana whispered knowing it was loud enough for Quinn to hear her. She felt Quinn nod so she cuddled closer and let the thoughts of Quinn and her singing together run through her mind. They'd worry about song choices later, for now she was going to enjoy the warmth Quinn was giving to her.


	10. On the Edge

The fast approaching summer meant a few things for Santana. The most important one of all for her was the end of school. The end of the school year meant final grades and no matter how hard she had worked and how much she was tutored, some of her classes still overwhelmed her. She didn't know exactly what her final grades were going to look like, but she was pretty sure they weren't going to reflect the amount of work she had put in.

Her reading level had improved greatly over time, she had tested right at the high school level for the first time a few weeks ago. She still had issues reading in front of groups but she'd done it a few times and was making progress getting past it. She couldn't help the smile that came to her face when she remembered how happy Quinn had been when they saw the reading test results she received a little over a week ago. Quinn wrapped her in a huge hug and even lifted her off the ground to spin her around. Part of Santana was happier about Quinn's reaction than she was about the great improvement she had made, but that's just what Quinn does to her.

She had managed passing grades on almost all of her last few physics tests so she had a little confidence when it came to that class. Her history class was a little bit harder but once she had learned how to study properly she had started to do much better. Quinn had given her hints when it came to memorizing facts and they really helped her do well. Her Spanish class was a lot of memorizing as well so that had gotten better with Quinn's hints.

Math still remained her downfall. Her improved reading and studying skills did nothing to help her work through math problems that might as well be written in a foreign language. She had been working with Quinn almost daily to get through her assignments and studying for weeks in advance for tests but nothing helped her. Quinn had been patient, showing her the proper way to do the problems multiple times and never seeming aggravated or frustrated with her.

She didn't know if she was going to pass math and as the end of the school year approached quickly, her doubts only got stronger. She didn't know what she'd do if she failed or what the Fabrays would think of her.

The temperature was starting to get hotter and hotter each day in Lima and the Fabrays were beginning to prepare their house and yard for a summer that was apparently going to be full of relatives visiting and pool parties. Santana had noticed the landscapers outside the house when she got home from school one day and hurried past them.

She could feel their eyes on her and it made her want to run in the house. Noah was right inside the door when she rushed in and noticed her discomfort and immediately asked what was wrong. She mumbled a response, letting him know the landscapers just made her feel uncomfortable. She didn't recognize the look that passed over his face but she had a good idea what he was going to do when he rushed past her and out the door.

She watched from the door as Noah laid into all of them, fear crossing their faces. She could only imagine what he was saying to them to cause that particular reaction. Normally she stayed as far away from violence as possible, it scared her considering what she had been through, but right now she felt safe. She knew Noah was out there defending her, something that was still new for her despite the long months she had been in the Fabray home.

It was still new for her to have someone care about her so much that they'd go out of their way to make sure she was safe and protected at all times. She noticed not long after she had started at school that she could look around the hallway and always find either Noah or Quinn somewhere around, trying to look inconspicuous but observing her. It made her feel better knowing one of them way always around.

She had observed the bullying problems that existed at McKinley first hand. She had seen many of her glee club friends get slushied or pushed into lockers. She had heard the horror stories from Kurt about what had happened to him when he came out. She had seen even the popular kids that were in glee club get bullied, but she had never been on the receiving end of bullying once. At first she thought she was just lucky, but then she noticed the presences that always were watching her.

She didn't feel Quinn creep up behind her as she watched Noah scare all of the guys in the yard. She jumped pretty high when Quinn placed her hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention. She put her hand over her heart and turned her head to look at Quinn.

"Sorry," Quinn apologized stepping slightly closer to her. Santana felt goose bumps spread over her body at Quinn's close proximity. It happened all of the time now when Quinn was around. She wasn't really sure what it meant, but she knew her body didn't react to anyone else that way and she assumed that meant something. "What is he doing?"

"They were staring at me when I walked in the house, he's defending me, I guess," Santana answered feeling Quinn tense slightly. She should have known Quinn would have the same reaction Noah did.

"I'll talk to my dad about getting new people then," Quinn said not leaving much room for Santana to argue with her. She didn't want to get the guys fired, she just didn't want to be stared at. She knew changing her wardrobe to listen to some of Kurt's suggestions might make people look at her differently, but she wasn't ready for what really happened.

Santana had never thought of herself as a good looking person. She didn't have any self-confidence and had always been told she was a freak or that there was something wrong with her. She never thought people would ever look at her in appreciation and part of her was okay with that. She saw the way some guys at her school looked at girls and never wanted anyone looking at her like that.

When she was wearing the clothes that were larger on her, people didn't really give her a second look, but when she started wearing tighter jeans and better fitting shirts she noticed more people looking at her. It was then that she started actively looking out for Noah and Quinn in the hallways, needing to feel their comfort.

"I think Noah scared them enough to not do it again," she said quietly looking down at the clothes she had on now. It was getting hot so she had a red tank top on with a pair of jeans. Quinn had complimented her when she saw her first thing this morning and that had been enough for Santana to not run back into her room and change into something else like she wanted to.

"We'll see, I'll be watching them," Quinn warned showing her protective side. Santana could hear the hint of something else in Quinn's voice but she couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. It almost sounded like anger but she knew it wasn't. It was completely forgotten when she felt Quinn's arms wrap around her midsection and her front press directly against her back. Quinn's grip on her was tighter than usual but Santana wasn't about to question it. This had become one of her favorite places and she cherished every moment she got in it.

Later on that night, Russell and Judy called all of the kids into the living room. Santana could tell they had something to tell them and couldn't help the unease she felt. She knew it was unnecessary, they wouldn't be giving them bad news, but she couldn't shake the bad feeling. She'd been in too many similar situations that always resulted in something pretty bad happening to her.

"We're going to visit Judy's sister in Seattle for a week. We're leaving tomorrow," Russell told them. Santana didn't really have much of a reaction to the news but she could see Noah break out into a wicked smile.

"We trust you all enough to be here by yourselves for the week, but Noah, no parties," Judy said removing the smile from Noah's face, but only briefly.

Santana knew she'd be fine without them for a week, she'd spent a good portion of her life without parental supervision. She didn't think anything would happen and it was clear that Russell and Judy trusted them. She felt Quinn nudge her slightly and sent her a smile which she quickly returned. Quinn was always very close to her and affectionate, but lately she had stepped it up some. Santana didn't know why, but she didn't really care why either. She loved it.

"Everyone needs to make sure they get their homework done and just because we're not home doesn't mean you can break curfew. We're trusting you here," Russell reminded them adding a small amount of guilt to their previous warnings.

"We'll behave, no worries," Charlotte promised appeasing both of her parents. It sounded completely honest to Santana so she assumed Judy and Russell believed her as well.

"Good, that's what I like to hear," Russell smiled at them before heading into the kitchen to start on dinner. Judy followed after him and as soon as they were out of earshot all the Fabray children starting planning the party they were going to have this weekend.

"Didn't they just say no parties?" Santana whispered to Quinn who was sitting between her and everyone else. She wasn't expecting them to turn around and start planning something their parents had literally just told them not to do. She wasn't comfortable going against their wishes at all, that had always meant her getting kicked out of her houses in the past.

"They always say no parties, we always have them. As long as the house is clean before they get back they never have to know," Quinn explained to her, wrapping her arm casually around Santana. It wasn't something she typically did but Quinn got the impression she was feeling extra needy today, although she was unsure why today was different than any others.

"I don't like this," Santana told her leaning into her touch. She knew Quinn could convince her to do just about anything if she wanted to so she knew her protests weren't going to change much of anything. She really didn't want to do anything to jeopardize everything the Fabrays had given her.

"Hey, nothing bad will happen and stop worrying about ever going back there. You're part of this family now, you're never going to get kicked out," Quinn tried to reassure, sensing Santana's fear. "It's not going to be a huge ordeal or anything, just some friends getting together to have fun. You know me, you know I wouldn't do anything that was that bad."

Santana knew Quinn was right. All three of them were good kids, they didn't typically act out or get into trouble so she should trust that they wouldn't get too out of hand with it. She nodded at Quinn, letting her get back to the planning her siblings were doing. Santana sat back in Quinn's embrace and just listened, not having anything to contribute to the conversation.

Not going to be a huge ordeal was probably about as far from the truth as possible. The large house was full of people. Some Santana recognized from school, others looked old enough to be in college with Charlotte, which probably explained all of the alcohol that was in their kitchen. The music was blaring loud enough to give Santana the worst head ache she had ever had before.

She had searched the house once for Quinn but wasn't able to find her. She needed the comfort only Quinn could bring her, there were too many people around and Santana was well past overwhelmed. She couldn't find any of the Fabray children and was starting to really panic. She didn't notice the football player coming up to her until he was directly in front of her holding out a cup filled with some red liquid.

"No thank you," she tried brushing him off but he stayed right with her, trying once again to give her the cup.

"It's just punch," he said with a smirk, making her doubt that the cup had punch in it. She knew how much alcohol was in the house and she wasn't interested in drinking it in the least. She had never drank a single drop before, after growing up with more than one set of foster parents that were alcoholics, she always said she'd never have any. She saw the horrible effects of it and never understood why people would do that to themselves.

"I don't want any," she tried getting away from him again, but he was very persistent. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders and he pulled her into his side. She frantically looked around for one of the Fabrays to help her, but none of them were around. She didn't understand, Noah and Quinn never left her to herself at school but now that she's at a party with at least a hundred kids and all that alcohol they felt okay leaving her on her own. She didn't want to sound like she was relying on them that heavily, but in all honesty she was. She wasn't okay in situations like this, she didn't know what she was doing half of the time in social situations and this made her anxiety soar.

"No fun, baby, you need to loosen up. It's nice to see you without your little bodyguard. I like these new clothes of yours, it's nice to see you showing off that body," he told her with a disgusting smile on his face. She felt her skin crawl slightly, she needed to get away from him before she fell into a complete panic attack.

Her savior came a few seconds later and pulled her from the large boy's grasp. Quinn pulled her out of the room and into the backyard where only a few people were hanging out.

"I've been looking for you everywhere. Are you okay?" Quinn asked taking her right into a hug. Her grip was strong and Santana could sense that same unrecognizable tone in her voice again.

"I'm better now," she said simply, letting Quinn hold her. The boy had really shaken her. Her panic attack was now started to fade away but she still felt on edge. She knew for sure she wouldn't be going back into that house, no matter what Quinn did. She was done with the party. If she had to sit in the backyard until everyone was gone she would. Her head was still pounding and now she felt anxious and fearful.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, I went in the kitchen to get a drink and couldn't find you afterwards," it was only then that Santana noticed Quinn wasn't completely sober. She didn't seem drunk but she clearly had a few drinks. It made her want to pull away from her. She didn't want to be this close to someone that was drinking, even if it was the one person she trusted with everything that she had. She'd been beaten because of alcohol, she'd been neglected, tossed on the streets, and worse because of alcohol. She wasn't okay with it. On top of everything else that had happened to her tonight, she couldn't handle this so she did pull away.

"You've been drinking," she observed in a quiet tone. To her credit, Quinn did look guilty.

"I had a few, it's a party," Quinn tried to reason with her but Santana really didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear the reasons, she had heard them all before. Instead of answering, Santana went to walk away, hoping Quinn would be smart enough to give her the space she needed right now.

"San, wait, please don't walk away. I'm not drunk, I only had two. I won't drink anymore, I promise," Quinn tried to stop her. Santana just shook her head and kept walking. She didn't really know where she was going to go, but that didn't really matter right now. She just needed to get away. She looked quickly to the driveway but noticed that all of the Fabray cars were blocked by other cars so she just started walking.

She walked for a good thirty minutes before she stopped, looking around to see that she had made it to the downtown area. She knew she shouldn't be here, she didn't belong here anymore, but this felt familiar to her and she needed that. She walked around to the alley she had spent most of her time in and took a seat against the brick wall. It felt just as rough and unforgiving as it had that first night sat here crying her eyes out.

She could hear her cell phone ringing, it had been for the last thirty minutes, but all the calls remained unanswered. She knew who was calling and why she was calling, but she just needed space. She needed to calm herself down and get away from everything for a little while. She loved being around Quinn, she honestly was starting to realize just how much she loved being around her, but right now it wasn't Quinn she was getting away from, it was the alcohol.

Alcohol made her think of her foster dad that beat her within an inch of her life. Alcohol made her think about the screams she use to hear coming from one of her foster moms at the hands of another foster dad. Alcohol made her think of the homeless man that reeked of it as they tried to harass her on the streets.

The last thing Santana wanted was to spend another night in this alley, but the other option was going back to her house and witness the effects alcohol had on people. Neither really seemed like something she wanted to do.

An hour or so later, Santana heard a car pull up outside the alley. She didn't think much of it, people drove around down here all the time. Most of the time they were looking for drugs or something of the like, sometimes they were lost and just trying to get out of there. She got slightly more on edge when she heard footsteps coming at her. It was dark so it was hard to tell who it was from so far away, but it didn't take long for her to recognize Quinn walking towards her. Her first instinct was to yell at her for driving when she was inebriated so she did just that.

"You shouldn't be driving," she chastised in a colder tone. She didn't really have a mean bone in her body, especially for Quinn, but right now she was angry Quinn had endangered herself.

"I didn't. Rachel was at the party and hadn't had anything to drink so I made her drive me. We've been driving around Lima for the last hour. I should have come here first," she said taking a seat next to her. She didn't sit as close as she normally would, something that hurt Santana more than she'd ever admit. "I'm really sorry, San. I messed up. I know how much you hate alcohol, I should never have had any."

Santana knew she shouldn't be as mad about this as she is. She knew that telling Quinn what she should and shouldn't do is wrong, but this was just something that hit her so deep she couldn't control it. She had no control over what memories hit her or when they did.

"I shouldn't be telling you what you can and can't do," she reasoned shrugging her shoulders.

"If I'm doing something that has this bad of an effect on you, then I want to be told not to do it. I never want to make you feel like the only choice you have is to come back here. I want to protect you, not hurt you," Quinn's voice cracked as she spoke making Santana turn to look at her. She could see tear tracks already present on Quinn's face showing Santana that she had been crying for a while now.

"You're not hurting me, it's the alcohol. The house is full of drunk kids, I can't go back there. I can't be around it. I know that makes me the worst high school student ever, but I don't care. I can't control the memories being around it brings back," Santana reached out to take Quinn's hand, hoping to convey that her anger wasn't really with Quinn but rather the situation she had been put in. Quinn looked surprised at the action but grateful to have her affection right now.

"I told Noah to have everyone cleared out by the time I get back. This wasn't fair to you, that's your home too and we made you feel uncomfortable in it. We can sit here as long as you need, but it is safe for you to go back," Quinn informed her. Santana nodded and pulled on Quinn's hand slightly so she scooted over so she was right next to her. She could tell Quinn needed the comfort right now that the girl usually gave to her so she returned the favor, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her as close as possible.

The actions made Quinn cry harder, letting out all the fear she had felt when Santana disappeared and all the guilt she had about causing it. Santana rubbed her back and did everything she knew Quinn usually did for her hoping to calm her down some. It took a few minutes, but eventually Quinn got a hold of her emotions and pulled away far enough to be able to look Santana right in the eyes.

Quinn reached her hand up and placed it gently against Santana's cheek as she gazed into her eyes. Santana could feel something different about this touch. It wasn't something she could put her fingers on, but it almost felt like the area around them now was charged in some way. Her body reacted to the situation in a way she was also not familiar with. The normal warmth Quinn gave her was much more intense and appeared to be concentrated right in her stomach and chest and her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She got goose bumps on top of her goose bumps and any words she may have had previously completely disappeared.

The girls gazed into each other's eyes for minutes, neither of them moved and they only blinked when absolutely necessary. They were both so content in that moment and the last thing Santana wanted was to lose that feeling Quinn was giving her right now.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me," Quinn told her quietly, still not breaking eye contact. Her voice was strong, nothing like it was earlier when she had just sat down. There was no doubt in her tone.

"I think I have a good idea," Santana admitted, knowing Quinn would catch her meaning. Santana knew she wasn't the only one feeling the way she was. She could tell Quinn was right there with her, right on the edge of something huge.

Neither girl knew when yet, but they could tell it wasn't going to be long before they fell over that edge. Together.


	11. Ready to Jump

_I can't apologize enough about the wait for this chapter. Life gets in the way sometimes but I should be back to my normal updating schedule as of today. You should expect to see the next chapter up on Tuesday. Thank you everyone for reading still and hopefully you like what I have in store for our two favorite girls._

* * *

It happened on a Monday. It was the last week of school and Santana had just come out of her math class with a heavy sigh. Her teacher had handed back their last test and once again her grade was less than acceptable. Santana knew what this was going to mean for her, she wasn't going to pass algebra. She wasn't going to move on to the next grade. She was going to be a disappointment for her family.

Her family. She liked to repeat that in her head. A lot. She had a family now. She had a home. She had people who took care of her, loved her, nurtured her, and protected her. She had everything she had ever dreamed of. She just hoped the disappointment that came from her not passing this class wouldn't take all of that away from her. They had promised they'd care for her no matter what, she just hoped that remained true.

Santana had felt like something was wrong all day. She knew today was different than any other day she'd been at this school. Quinn had woken up this morning with a high fever and was told to stay in bed all day. Santana didn't have her security blanket. She didn't have that reassuring presence always following her and protecting her. She didn't feel at ease as she walked through the hallways. Noah was there, but it just wasn't the same. The feelings that Quinn gave her when she was around were stronger and more relaxing than anything else she'd ever felt.

Noah wasn't in the hallway when she walked out of her class. She couldn't see or feel him anywhere. She just brushed it off and tried to hurry along to her next class. She didn't have to stop at her locker for books so she turned down the next hallway to get to physics. The feeling of ice cold liquid overpowered her as she fell back against the lockers behind her.

"No bodyguards around to protect you now, orphan," the football player she had turned down at the party taunted, throwing the large cup down in front of her. The sticky blue substance ran down her body, soaking her clothes and causing chills to run throughout her body. She wanted to curl in on herself and disappear. She wanted one of those cracks to open up and swallow her whole.

She could hear the laughter and could vaguely see the students surrounding her laughing and pointing at her. Her anxiety was overwhelming as the voices starting to meld together. She knew she was about to fall into a panic attack and knew her usual savior wasn't going to be showing up to pull her out of it. She could barely see a blur of moment in front of her eyes, but felt the lockers vibrate as the football player was slammed into them roughly. The sudden movement broke her out of her trance and allowed her to see what was really going on.

Noah had his forearm against the player's throat, his other hand held his arm down.

"That was really fucking stupid of you," he warned, his voice darker and more menacing than anything Santana had ever heard before. She felt someone crouch down next to her, but she was too entranced with what was going on next to her. She'd never seen Noah like this before and as much as it felt good to have someone protecting her, it scared her to death. Seeing that brute force and violence terrified her.

Santana knew that violence would never be turned around on her, but it didn't stop her from shaking in her spot. She'd been on the receiving end of that pain before and it was not something she ever wanted to go through again. She tried to keep herself in the present, she was beyond tired of falling into memories when something bad happened around her. She was stronger than that now, she needed to fight through this. She couldn't hear exactly what Noah was saying to the boy anymore, but his face gave away the general idea. It was clear he was alarmed and just wanted to get away from Noah.

Noah looked in her direction briefly, and immediately broke his contact with the football player. She knew he could see how scared she was and knew he was smart enough to stop before it got to be too bad. Noah had heard her stories before, he knew all about what had happened to her in the past. He even offered to go after the guy and make him pay. Santana had refused, of course, opting to let sleeping dogs lie.

The football player disappeared down the hall quickly and Noah's stern glare at everyone else made them disappear, too. Santana still felt the presence next to her and looked over to see Tina crouched down next to her, protecting her from what was going on. She handed her a small towel to wipe the slushy from her face. Santana barely even felt the slushy anymore, she was still concentrating on what had happened next to her.

Noah knelt down in front of her after the hallway had cleared, removing some of the slushy from her hair.

"What do you say we get out of here?" he asked, pulling her up from the floor. She nodded and turned to Tina, thanking her for helping her out. It was nice to see she had real friends like Tina now. She remembered back to the beginning of her time in school when Tina wasn't able to support her, now she was right there with her when things weren't going well for her at all.

"Do you think.." she hesitated trying to figure out what it was she really wanted. "Maybe we could go somewhere that's not home? I kind of want to just go somewhere and breathe for a little bit." Santana knew Quinn would be passed out on the medicine Judy had given her so she had no real incentive to rush home right now.

"How about we swing home so you can shower and change then we'll go out? That will get really uncomfortable really fast if you don't wash it out. Plus, you can check on Quinn while we're home like I know you've been dying to do all day," he called her out. It was the complete truth, she'd been worried about Quinn all day and had wanted to call her multiple times but Judy had warned her that she was giving Quinn some strong medicine to help her sleep off the pretty bad cold she had caught.

"Yeah, that sounds good," she confirmed, following him out of school. Neither cared much about missing the last few classes, they only had three more days of school, they weren't going to be missing much.

Santana hated climbing into Noah's truck. It was too big and too powerful for her liking. Noah was in love with every bit of it, the overly loud engine, and the flashy color, everything that made Santana hate it. She climbed in and buckled up, wanting to secure herself as quickly as possible. Noah always drove extra cautiously when one of his sisters was in the car. He may not be the oldest, but he acted like it was his personal job to protect every single one of the Fabray girls, including Santana.

The music blared as he turned the key in the ignition and Santana cringed. She hated the hip hop and rap he listened to, and Noah knew that so he changed to her station, as the whole family had started calling the local country station. Santana gave him a small smile, knowing he never changed the music for anyone, he barely even turned it down when someone asked. Quinn wasn't the only one that changed certain parts of themselves to help her get comfortable.

The ride home didn't take long, it never did when Noah was driving. He liked to joke he was doing something wrong when he wasn't going at least double the speed limit. They both ran into the house, Santana made her way up to Quinn's room first. She was very uncomfortable with the quickly drying slushy covering her, but she needed to see Quinn. She wasn't used to spending time away from Quinn for any extended period, and today had been really hard on her. They were getting closer and closer and this sickness seemed to halt that all together. Quinn had been really taken out of everything with the high fever and the connection they had been building had to be put on temporary hiatus.

Santana was dying to get that connection back, but she knew Quinn needed to rest this off. She knew she would be back to normal in no time and then they could figure everything out from there. They were both determined to figure out what it was between them and Santana knew the few days that Quinn was out of commission wouldn't stop that.

She walked into the room and made her way over to the side of the bed, the left side as always. She didn't want to sit on the bed and get the slushy on it so she knelt next to Quinn and brushed some of the hair out of her face. Quinn stirred slightly and moved closer to Santana, never actually waking up. Santana sat there for a few more minutes, just watching the steady rise and fall of Quinn's chest. She could still feel the heat coming off of her in waves and knew she was still pretty sick so she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaving the room to go shower.

After her shower, which she probably washed her hair three times before it finally didn't feel sticky and gross anymore, she dressed quickly and went in search of Noah. She found him sitting around the breakfast bar, eating an apple.

"Ready to go?" she asked as he turned to look at her. He threw her an apple which she caught and started to clean off. She wasn't a huge health food fan but she tried to eat as much as possible. With a doctor in the family most of the food cooked in the house tended to be on the healthier side. When Judy worked her overnight shifts Russell would order out pizza for the kids as long as they promised to never tell their mom even though they all knew Judy was wise to his plans.

Santana followed Noah out to his car, laughing slightly as he gave her a boost into the car. She mumbled an embarrassed thank you, still cursing his awful oversized car. Noah got in and left her station on, singing along with her. Santana wasn't big on singing in front of people, but it was comfortable with Noah. He was always so laid back and relaxed which immediately put Santana in the same mood.

"Any idea where we're going?" she asked not recognizing the route he was taking. She had become familiar with her surrounding in the months she's lived there, but she still didn't have it down perfectly just yet. She still didn't drive all that much but that was just because she loved being in Quinn's passenger seat. Hell, she just loved being around Quinn, it didn't really matter what they were doing.

"Out of Lima," he told her simply, not really answering her question. She didn't spend much time out of Lima, at least she hadn't in many years. Only two of her foster homes weren't in Lima and she never left when she was on the streets.

Santana nodded even though Noah couldn't see her and tuned back into the song that was on. She smiled as she recognized it, it was the song she had sung for her duet with Quinn in glee club. She had been so nervous that day, she almost took off for the bathroom to throw up on more than one occasion and then almost skipped glee club altogether so she didn't have to sing in front of the whole group. She had even begun to take off in the other direction away from the choir room but Quinn caught her hand and grounded her again.

They got a standing ovation when they finished singing and Quinn gave her one of the biggest hugs she'd ever received. It was one of her happiest moments, the relief she felt when it was finally over coupled with the happiness she felt seeing everyone's reaction made her soar. Rachel came up to her afterwards already trying to convince her to sing a duet with her. Santana just shrugged it off and enjoyed the moment, enjoyed Quinn clinging to her side with pride.

Santana came back into the present as Noah turned the car off at a small park. It had a swing set and a slide. It was fenced in but looked like it hadn't been used in years.

"I don't remember much about my childhood, but I remember coming here. It was a lot nicer back then, but it's familiar and that's all that matters," his story was random, but it helped her feel closer to him. He didn't explain much about his childhood usually, but she loved getting the small glimpses he'd give every once and a while.

"You really like her, don't you?" he said quietly after a moment. Santana felt her stomach drop slightly, not really sure where he was going to go with this. "I see the way she is with you, you're her world. I've never seen her like that before. When she came out to us last year she was so different, she was sad. She was accepting who she was but she was just so alone. Then you came along, you made her happy," Noah explained making so many emotions run through Santana all at once. It warmed everything in her to hear how happy she made Quinn but all she could focus on was one sentence.

"When she came out.." she trailed off knowing he understood.

"You didn't know?" his tone was very shocked. "I figured she told you, she was very open about it. You're the only girl I've ever seen her notice, though. It's like you walked into the house and changed her world forever. Mom and dad see it, too. Mom said she couldn't wait to see what happened. They're happy for you two."

Santana didn't know what to think. She didn't even know what was going on between her and Quinn but apparently the whole rest of the family was clued in to it. Quinn and her hadn't talked about anything, they couldn't just yet. They both just continued on, cuddling and testing what boundaries they could and couldn't push. Nothing giant had happened yet, but they both knew it was coming.

"I don't really know what's going on. She makes me feel things that I don't understand. She makes me happy. She… She's everything," her voice got smaller as she finished talking. She'd never talked about her feelings before and didn't really know if Noah was the right one to do it with, but it felt better as she as she got it out.

"I don't really know a whole lot about love and all that, I date a lot but it's never serious, but what you two have, it's special. It's important. It's not something that comes around very often. So keep going, get it right. I promise you it will be the best thing you ever did," he made it sound so easy, so perfect.

Santana thought about it for a minute, maybe it really could be that easy. Maybe they could just be together, no more of this dancing around the issue. Maybe she could just wait until Quinn was better again and kiss her. It was all she thought about now, why not just do it. What was really keeping her from doing it? She didn't really have an answer so she knew there was no reason not to take that next step. They both wanted it. They both wanted it more than anything in this world and they'd have it. As soon as she was better, they'd have it.

"I think you're right, Noah. Thank you so much," she told her reaching over to give him a hug. It was probably the first time she'd ever done it, but it was the perfect moment and he was more than happy to give one back.


	12. The Little Things

Sometimes before a big moment, you get this dread in the pit of your stomach. It overwhelms you, it fills you with an unyielding sense of fear and trepidation. Sometimes it's cripples you to the point that you need to crawl into a small corner and just sit there until the feeling passes. Other times, you have to fight through the fear and overcome it. Santana stood on the precipice of those two extremes right now. She wanted to crawl into a corner and just hide until she didn't feel like her body was giving out but she also wanted to fight through this and get what she'd been thinking about for months now.

Finals had come and gone and summer was here now. Santana hadn't managed to pull her grade up in algebra enough to pass the class but the teacher took sympathy on her and worked out a summer program for her so as long as she passed that she'd be a senior come September. Quinn and Noah had already promised her they'd do whatever they could to help her as long as she promised to spend a good portion of the summer relaxing by the pool with them.

Santana had quickly found how much she loved sunbathing by the pool so the deal with Noah and Quinn was easy to accept. She was still self-conscious about her body so Charlotte had taken her shopping for bathing suits. She discovered that she was comfortable in a bikini top as long as she had board shorts with them. The first day she wore the outfit to the pool she noticed Quinn's staring at her discreetly so she knew it was a good choice.

Santana knew what she wanted to do. She knew what she was dying to do. Finding the courage to actually do it was the hard part. Even though she was almost positive the feelings she was having were completely and totally mutual, she couldn't find it in herself to act on it. She didn't know the right way to go about it and the last thing she wanted was to do something wrong. She thought about asking Noah for more advice but even then she was afraid. She knew Noah had allowed her to open up about it a few weeks ago but she wasn't sure if that opportunity was still there.

Charlotte had hinted at the subject when she took Santana shopping but she avoided discussing it with her. She didn't want to talk about her feelings with other people just yet, she really wanted to talk to Quinn about them, but couldn't get herself there yet. She had worked up what she thought was enough courage and motivation to do it multiple times only to back down when she was finally in front of Quinn.

She had been working all week to get to the point where she could finally show Quinn how she felt when it all fell away. Russell and Judy had decided to take the whole family on vacation to their family lake house. It took the wind right out of Santana's sails. She had been talking herself up for days, planning on finally going through with her plans for this weekend, but now they'd be driving to Virginia Beach to spend two weeks relaxing as a family.

Santana didn't really know what to think about all of this. She'd never been on a real vacation before. She'd only ever been out of Ohio once and that because one of her foster moms was picking up drugs right outside of state lines. Now she'd be going away with a real family for fun and enjoyment. She didn't know what to expect but she assumed she was going to get to have some fun and who knows, maybe this vacation would give the girls the chance to finally finish this journey they were on.

"All packed?" Santana heard behind her as she pulled her suitcase onto the bed. The voice sent chills down her spine and caused a bright smile to break out on her face. She spun around and greeted Quinn who was leaning casually in the doorway watching what Santana was doing.

"I think so. I don't know if I brought enough clothes or not," she explained sitting on the bed next to the suitcase. Quinn made her way over, unzipping the bag and looking to see what Santana had packed.

"I think you should be good. If not, you can always wear some of mine, I over packed," she reassured zipping it back up and sitting down next to Santana. Quinn didn't even hesitate to reach out and take Santana's hand, intertwining their fingers immediately. Santana couldn't keep the smile off her face as she felt that warmth that only Quinn could ever bring spread up her arm and down the rest of her body. She noticed Quinn fidget slightly next to her and gave her a questioning look.

"I was hoping you'd drive with me. Mom and Dad are taking one car and Puck insisted on driving his truck with Charlotte. I thought maybe me and you could-," Quinn started but Santana's answer in the affirmative cut her off.

"Yes, absolutely yes," she knew she sounded too enthusiastic but the goofy smile Quinn gave off afterwards made it worth it.

The ride itself took forever in Santana's opinion. It was a glorious eleven hours spent cooped up in a car with Quinn singing along with the playlists Quinn had made for the ride. Quinn took Santana's hand when they got into the car and it stayed that way the entire ride, only breaking apart when they all stopped for lunch and to stretch their legs at the hallway point.

Santana was pretty sure Charlotte and Quinn had never been to a rest stop this run down before judging by the looks on their faces as they walked into the building. Charlotte turned immediately with a look of horror on her face and pulled both Santana and Quinn to the bathroom with her, claiming she wasn't going to go anywhere in this place alone. Santana laughed at the irony of the situation, to her this place looked decent compared to what she had previously been used to. They didn't stay there long and opted to use the vending machines to get food rather than buy something from the questionable cafeteria food they were serving.

Russell and Judy promised to take them all to a nice dinner when they get to Virginia Beach before climbing back in their cars and taking off to finish the trip. Santana offered to drive for a portion of the way but Quinn politely declined the offer.

"I like driving," Quinn answered simply, starting the car back up and going to follow right behind her parents. Their hands connected again quickly. Santana kept a tight grip on Quinn, loving the feel of the connection they had. She knew this was going to be a good two weeks, at least she was going to do everything within her power to make it amazing.

They arrived to the beach house the Fabrays had rented out for the two weeks around midnight. Santana stopped in front of the large house and stared in awe for a long few minutes. It was a beautiful white house with a large wrap around porch and the beach right in the backyard. There was a small dock connected to the beach with four jet skis and a small speed boat anchored down. She could hear Charlotte and Noah yelling about getting to ride the jet skis but the voices seemed far away. She was so awestruck at the large house in front of her.

She didn't feel Quinn sneak up behind her until her arms were wrapped around her midsection and her front was pressed directly against her back. She felt warm breath hitting her neck and knew Quinn had placed her head just over her shoulder. She had her head angled in so her next words were spoken directly into Santana's ear.

"It's pretty cool, isn't it?" she whispered but Santana was so lost in the feeling of being that close to Quinn she wasn't able to process what the girl had said to her. Her entire body was completely hyperaware of every touch and every move Quinn made. The air that passed by her ear as the girl spoke sent noticeable shivers down Santana's body causing Quinn to hold her that much closer.

"There are four rooms, you're going to have to bunk with me. I didn't think you'd mind," Quinn's tone almost felt playful to Santana. It definitely didn't help the chills that were running rampant over her skin.

"I don't," Santana managed to get out, not really knowing where she had got any words from. Her brain was a mushy mess right now and her heart actually felt like it was beating right through her rib cage. She wasn't really sure how she was going ever make the move to further their relationship when she got this flustered and out of sorts by just being around Quinn.

"Good, let's get our stuff inside so we can get into pajamas and get into bed. I'm sure all the rooms have been claimed by now so let's go see what they left us," Quinn whispered to her again, not actually pulling away from her. Her grip actually felt tighter until she let out a small sigh and pulled away. Santana felt the loss instantly, her body was cold and the haziness that Quinn had caused in her mind dissipated.

Santana was stuck still for a moment, still getting her bearings back. It amazed her that Quinn was still able to have this great of an effect on her after all this time but she didn't really question it anymore. She watched Quinn pull the bags from the trunk of her car and went over to help, grabbing a few and following her into the house. She was immediately hit with a warm cinnamon smell that seemed to float throughout the entire house. She looked around at the darkened room and smiled. She was looking forward to touring the house in the morning but for right now, she was looking forward to getting into her pajamas and getting into bed with Quinn.

The room that was left to the two girls was larger than either of their rooms at home. It had a bathroom directly attached and after a quick glimpse inside, Santana noticed there was hot tub. The ideas that popped into her mind to help along her plan were endless now that she knew there was a hot tub in the bathroom just for them. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard.

"Here," Quinn told her coming up behind Santana with a pair of shorts and a tank top in her hands. Santana took the clothing and changed in the bathroom. She took a minute to compose her nerves before she went back out. She had figured out how to get a good grip on her emotions quicker than she used to be able to. Her nerves settled as she looked in the mirror at herself. Her hair was thrown into a messy bun and her clothes sat well on her body. She was void of make up as she usually was. She only wore it on special occasions and usually Quinn or Charlotte put it on her.

She found Quinn already changed and in bed, laying on her back staring up at the ceiling seemingly waiting for Santana to come out of the bathroom. The nerves Santana had quelled a few moments ago in the bathroom returned full force as she slid in next to Quinn. She took a deep breath as subtly as possible, trying not to let Quinn in on the nerves she was feeling.

Quinn turned to face her as she settled in, giving her a bright smile that made Santana return one just as bright. Even after the long drive and the late hour the last thing on Santana's mind was sleeping and she got the impression Quinn was right there with her. Santana took another breath before turning to face Quinn. She didn't realize just how close they'd end up after she turned. She ended up barely a few inches away from Quinn. She was so close she could see the specks of gold in Quinn's eyes. The moonlight was passing through the curtains enough to fall across Quinn's face and illuminate the unique color.

Santana sat mesmerized for a few minutes, never breaking the eye contact. Neither girl moved at all, they both were stuck in the gaze of the other. Santana could see Quinn's eyes dilate slightly before her gaze fell to her lips. It was a slight movement that Santana would have missed if she wasn't looking directly into Quinn's eyes.

Almost subconsciously Santana let her eyes fall briefly to Quinn's lips, noticing just how easy it would be for her to reach out and finally kiss her. To finally do what had been plaguing her mind for months now. All she wanted was to lean forward slightly and feel those lips against hers, even if just for a brief moment. She'd played the moment over and over in her head in the last months, always thinking about what she would do and how it would happen. She had tried to plan it, she had tried to make it something special, but as she lay in bed next to Quinn in that moment, she knew all her planning and thinking had been for nothing. This was the moment. No planning or big gesture was needed.

Santana should have known big gestures wouldn't matter when the time really came. It had always been the little things for the two of them. The small hand holds, the barely there touches, the quiet but strong presences. It was the little gestures that meant everything to them and as they lay next to each other, looking deep into the opposite's eyes, the little gesture was about to mean everything.

Santana didn't know who moved in first, she didn't remember much of anything as Quinn's lips landed gently against her own. It was calm at first, just a simple brushing of lips over hers. She immediately could taste the mango lip gloss Quinn had on and decided it was by far the best thing she had ever tasted in her life. They each waited for the other to pull away, to react badly, but neither did. After a few moments of just brushing their lips gently together, barely even moving, Santana felt Quinn's hand cup the back of her neck and suddenly she was flying. Suddenly her body was on fire and full of chills and frozen all at once. Suddenly she was home.

The kiss was everything Santana had ever dreamed of. It was intense and unassuming. It was calm but powerful. It was overwhelming but leveling. Her mind was going a mile a minute trying to keep up with the clearly much more experienced Quinn, but she could tell Quinn was teaching as she was kissing. She kept the rhythm of the kiss steady, letting Santana stay right with her. Her brain was purely and completely mush at this point. Her thoughts were solely revolving around the kiss. She knew her hands should be incorporated into the mix somehow, but she was at a complete loss as to what she should do with them. She didn't really know how Quinn noticed her predicament but she felt Quinn's hand leave her neck suddenly and grab one of hers bringing it down to rest against her hip.

Santana found a little courage after that, letting her thumb rub gently against the skin that was revealed. She could feel Quinn shiver slightly as she rubbed the smooth skin underneath her hand. Their lips never separated as Quinn's hand came back up to Santana's neck. It played with her neck slightly before running down and cupping her cheek. She could feel the gentleness Quinn was putting into the kiss and it made her heart beat that much quicker.

The last thing Santana wanted to do in that moment was pull away. She had finally got the kiss she had been dreaming about for months but air was becoming too much of a necessity. Her lungs were beginning to burn and the already present lightheadedness in her brain was getting to be too much. She didn't think it would be a good idea to pass out on Quinn after she finally got to kiss her. She pulled back from the kiss slightly, putting only a few inches between them so she could get air back into her lungs.

"Wow," Quinn husked out, clearly not capable of saying much more than that. Santana could only nod in agreement, her boggled mind was so far from able to form words it wasn't even funny. Santana was lucky that she remembered how to breathe at this point.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," Quinn whispered, her hand still running over Santana's cheek. Santana's hand never stopped on Quinn's hip either, neither girl was ready to not be touching the other one.

"I think I might have an idea," Santana told her, impressing herself by actually managing a full sentence. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess that were completely centered on Quinn's lips. She wanted to feel them again, she wanted to never forget that feeling. She knew there was a really good chance that she would never forget that moment for as long as she lived, but she wasn't taking any chances. She wanted those lips permanently engrained in her mind. She wanted to be able to close her eyes and feel those lips against hers forever.

There was a very obvious and intense tingling in her lips that she was only beginning to feel now that her brain was beginning to return from the haze Quinn had put her in. She tried to gauge how Quinn was handling all of this but all she could see was a bright smile on her face.

"Can I do that again?" Santana asked quietly, almost afraid that she was going to be turned down. She didn't really know what Quinn was thinking, all she could see was the smile. For all she knew, Quinn had wanted to feel that once and get it out of her system and would easily move on now. She prayed that wasn't the case but she was already beginning to prepare for that being possible.

Instead of answering, Quinn used the hand on the back of her neck to pull Santana into a kiss. This one was more intense than the last, something Santana honestly didn't think was possible. The slight parting of Quinn's lips and the angling of her lips drew Santana in closer. Quinn was in charge completely, but she was guiding Santana along. Each time she changed direction she eased Santana into it, helping her learn what she was going to do and how to react to it.

Quinn taught her plenty that night, and Santana knew she'd remember every single bit of it. They had fallen so fall over that edge and Santana wanted nothing more than to continue falling for the rest of her life. She wasn't looking back, she wasn't remembering anything about her past. She was, for the first time in her life, completely and entirely in the moment. She was falling, further and further and she hoped she'd never stopped.

The spent hours kissing that night, the moonlight eventually disappeared from Quinn's face only to be replaced with the sunlight as morning came up on them. Neither girl cared that they would be exhausted the next day. This was the moment they had been waiting for and they finally had it.


End file.
